Tell me what you think
As you read chapter 3 I would LOVE to have two pieces of feedback please:
Enjoy the chapter and please leave me a Facebook comment below with your feedback.
- Which bits did you find boring and skip over?
- Where did you stop reading?
Enjoy the chapter and please leave me a Facebook comment below with your feedback.
If you want different results do different things
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Why do we find it so hard to make changes? Why do we find it so hard to do what we need to do to create the life we want to create? What is really stopping us?
One of the major reasons for this is the rules that society have given us that trap us into doing the same thing as the generations before us. Society is made up of all of the different cultural references around us, our parents, the media, our teachers, our friends. These forces teach us and influence us to live life in a particular way. Sometimes I have caught myself just wanting to be "normal" and not stand out. It would be so much easier, I wouldn't be breaking the rules all the time, it would have to explain what I was doing to well meaning and worried people. But then I would be getting normal results in my life! |
Sometimes I get tired of standing out. It takes energy. Sometimes I have wanted to just be "normal" for a while
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I first found out about self-development and setting goals when I was 21 years old. I've had very mixed results with goals, but I have always kept setting them and working towards them. An interesting exercise I recently did was to go back through all of the different goals I have set over the decades and to see whether I had achieved them or not. A lot of the goals I set over the years are the opposite of what I actually want now!
hen I first started this process of setting goals, I wanted two children, a four bedroom house and a fancy car parked on the driveway. That was my definition of success and that is what I wanted to achieve. I don't think I ever truly took time to decide whether or not it was what I wanted. This is the definition of success that society portrays for us through the media, television shows and our families. Have you ever taken time to define what extraordinary or success actually means to you?
I never did. It wasn't until my thirties that I truly started to think about what I actually wanted in life, not what people told me success was.
The Standard Life plan which we have become to believe leads to success is:
This is the Standard Life plan that everyone seems to follow without actually considering what they want to do with their life. Some people wake up in their 30s and think is this what I really want? Some people wake up in their 40s and think is this really what I want? We call this a midlife crisis. Some people wake up in their 50s and think is this really what I want?
Some people have to wait all the way to retirement to face this. To actually consider whether the job they had is what they wanted and the life they're building is what they actually wanted. This standard societal plan traps us from ever thinking about what we truly want because we are taught that this is what success and happiness actually looks like.
Is a good solid career in an office what for 40 years? Or is there another option that might lead to more happiness for you?
hen I first started this process of setting goals, I wanted two children, a four bedroom house and a fancy car parked on the driveway. That was my definition of success and that is what I wanted to achieve. I don't think I ever truly took time to decide whether or not it was what I wanted. This is the definition of success that society portrays for us through the media, television shows and our families. Have you ever taken time to define what extraordinary or success actually means to you?
I never did. It wasn't until my thirties that I truly started to think about what I actually wanted in life, not what people told me success was.
The Standard Life plan which we have become to believe leads to success is:
- Go to school and work hard to get good grades.
- Go to university and work hard to get good grades.
- Secure a good graduate job so that you can start earning money.
- Buy your first property.
- Find someone to date.
- Get a pet.
- Upgrade to a bigger house.
- Get married.
- Have kids.
- Work in the same career or industry for the next 50 years.
- Retire.
- Die.
This is the Standard Life plan that everyone seems to follow without actually considering what they want to do with their life. Some people wake up in their 30s and think is this what I really want? Some people wake up in their 40s and think is this really what I want? We call this a midlife crisis. Some people wake up in their 50s and think is this really what I want?
Some people have to wait all the way to retirement to face this. To actually consider whether the job they had is what they wanted and the life they're building is what they actually wanted. This standard societal plan traps us from ever thinking about what we truly want because we are taught that this is what success and happiness actually looks like.
Is a good solid career in an office what for 40 years? Or is there another option that might lead to more happiness for you?
The expectations of society weigh heavily upon us.
Our parents want us to get a good education, get a good job and buy a big house because that leads to us having a happy life and them being seen as good parents! Society has a general life plan for us when we are born. It is the general life plan that parents have bought into leading to happiness for their kids.
They expect you to:
This is the standard life plan that we all get judged against. At one stage it was what I thought I wanted; not because I chose it but because it was what I was taught success was.
It's hard to stand out in society because you get judged for it. You get judged against this standard life plan. How are you doing compared to other people your age? How are you doing compared to average ages in your sector? How big is your hose compared to your friends?
After years of living in the same two bedroom apartment in Basingstoke (which we LOVED). I remember one comment that really struck me. A family member visited our home and asked "when are you going to buy a proper home?"
I remember thinking "what is improper about our two bedroom apartment in Basingstoke?" There was actually nothing wrong with where we lived, but this particular family member had decided that it would be better or time for us to upgrade to an actual house rather than an apartment.
They were trying to help us get towards what they thought would lead to happiness for us, or what made them look like a better parent to their friends so they could brag about our success. The interesting thing is that the exact opposite is what we did and what led to true happiness and freedom for us. I don't think people take the time to truly consider what makes you happy. They just project their version or society's version of happiness onto you and try to force you to do what they think is "right".
Everyone is trying to help you given the best of their experience. Don't get me wrong, mostly people have good intentions, they want you to be happier or they want to look better themselves. Everyone is trying to support you in making the best of your life. They are making decisions about what is best for you and then trying to help you get to it. However, very few people actually take the time to ask the question "What do you want for your life?" Before dolling out the advice!
Before offering advice, people should really take the time to ask questions like; what does success look like to you? What are you trying to achieve here? What is your end goal? If they truly understood where you're going, then their advice would be 100 times better.
The problem occurs because people decide that the Standard Life plan and way of living is what you're trying to achieve, and then they offer advice based on that. They know what leads to happiness; a bigger house, a promotion or a fancier car. The problem is that most of the time this advice takes you in the opposite direction, a bigger hose puts you in more debt and traps you, getting promoted in a career that is un-fulling helps you to feel unfulfilled faster and a faster car? Well that just gets you more debt, more status to maintain and maybe a slightly comfier ass!
I have caught myself doing it. I regularly assumed that people want to achieve financial independence or want to grow their successful business or want to live a certain type of life, and I jump in with advice before actually taking the time to consider what they're trying to achieve.
The challenge is that if you actually ask someone what they're trying to achieve, very few people can answer that question. That is actually the most important part of any coaching or life interaction is helping that person understand what they're actually trying to achieve and what the life of their dreams looks like. If you can help a person decide where they want to go and what life they want to lead away from societies expectations, you can help them to create a truly incredible and extraordinary life.
f you just assume that they want to go to university and get a better job, then you will force them down a route that might not be the best for them. Have you ever taken time to truly consider what you want in life? To think about the environment you want to live in? The business you or career you want to build? The body and health you want to create?
Most people never consider this. Most people will NEVER take the time to write this down come up with a plan and make progress towards it. Most people don't even consider what they want; they are just happy to accept the life plan that is handed to them by the media, school teachers, parents and Instagram influencers.
Who are the biggest influences in your life? Let's take a moment to consider where society's rules and advice comes from.
They expect you to:
- Go to school and get good grades
- Excel at sport and extracurricular activities
- Go to university and get good results
- Get a good graduate job
- Move out of home and BUY your own place
- Get a partner
- Get promoted - that always leads to more happiness
- Get a bigger house
- Get a Pet - so you can prove you won't kills the kids you have next
- Have kids
- Get promoted more - success equals climbing the corporate ladder
- Work for 50 years
- Retire
- Die
This is the standard life plan that we all get judged against. At one stage it was what I thought I wanted; not because I chose it but because it was what I was taught success was.
It's hard to stand out in society because you get judged for it. You get judged against this standard life plan. How are you doing compared to other people your age? How are you doing compared to average ages in your sector? How big is your hose compared to your friends?
After years of living in the same two bedroom apartment in Basingstoke (which we LOVED). I remember one comment that really struck me. A family member visited our home and asked "when are you going to buy a proper home?"
I remember thinking "what is improper about our two bedroom apartment in Basingstoke?" There was actually nothing wrong with where we lived, but this particular family member had decided that it would be better or time for us to upgrade to an actual house rather than an apartment.
They were trying to help us get towards what they thought would lead to happiness for us, or what made them look like a better parent to their friends so they could brag about our success. The interesting thing is that the exact opposite is what we did and what led to true happiness and freedom for us. I don't think people take the time to truly consider what makes you happy. They just project their version or society's version of happiness onto you and try to force you to do what they think is "right".
Everyone is trying to help you given the best of their experience. Don't get me wrong, mostly people have good intentions, they want you to be happier or they want to look better themselves. Everyone is trying to support you in making the best of your life. They are making decisions about what is best for you and then trying to help you get to it. However, very few people actually take the time to ask the question "What do you want for your life?" Before dolling out the advice!
Before offering advice, people should really take the time to ask questions like; what does success look like to you? What are you trying to achieve here? What is your end goal? If they truly understood where you're going, then their advice would be 100 times better.
The problem occurs because people decide that the Standard Life plan and way of living is what you're trying to achieve, and then they offer advice based on that. They know what leads to happiness; a bigger house, a promotion or a fancier car. The problem is that most of the time this advice takes you in the opposite direction, a bigger hose puts you in more debt and traps you, getting promoted in a career that is un-fulling helps you to feel unfulfilled faster and a faster car? Well that just gets you more debt, more status to maintain and maybe a slightly comfier ass!
I have caught myself doing it. I regularly assumed that people want to achieve financial independence or want to grow their successful business or want to live a certain type of life, and I jump in with advice before actually taking the time to consider what they're trying to achieve.
The challenge is that if you actually ask someone what they're trying to achieve, very few people can answer that question. That is actually the most important part of any coaching or life interaction is helping that person understand what they're actually trying to achieve and what the life of their dreams looks like. If you can help a person decide where they want to go and what life they want to lead away from societies expectations, you can help them to create a truly incredible and extraordinary life.
f you just assume that they want to go to university and get a better job, then you will force them down a route that might not be the best for them. Have you ever taken time to truly consider what you want in life? To think about the environment you want to live in? The business you or career you want to build? The body and health you want to create?
Most people never consider this. Most people will NEVER take the time to write this down come up with a plan and make progress towards it. Most people don't even consider what they want; they are just happy to accept the life plan that is handed to them by the media, school teachers, parents and Instagram influencers.
Who are the biggest influences in your life? Let's take a moment to consider where society's rules and advice comes from.
Your community
One of the biggest influences in your life is the people that you hang out with. Who are the biggest influences on your life? Who are the five people closest to you? What advice are they trying to give you? How are they leading their lives? Do you have to fight against them to go where you want to go to or are they supporting you to achieve your goals? Have you ever talked to them about your goals?
You gravitate towards the people that surround you. If they are thriving and happy and motivated they will pull you in that direction. If they are struggling and arguing and wasting their time they will drag you in that direction. It is HUGELY difficult to break the gravitational pull of the people that surround you.
One of the biggest influences in your life is the people that you hang out with. Who are the biggest influences on your life? Who are the five people closest to you? What advice are they trying to give you? How are they leading their lives? Do you have to fight against them to go where you want to go to or are they supporting you to achieve your goals? Have you ever talked to them about your goals?
You gravitate towards the people that surround you. If they are thriving and happy and motivated they will pull you in that direction. If they are struggling and arguing and wasting their time they will drag you in that direction. It is HUGELY difficult to break the gravitational pull of the people that surround you.
Your Media diet
The second source of societal pressure comes from the media and the content you consume. What do you read on a regular basis? What do you watch on a regular basis? What do you listen to on a regular basis? How are they influencing your thinking and what are they defining as successful for you. Have you taken what they say to be the truth without thinking about it?
A few years ago Katie and I were looking for a new series to watch on television. We like to watch a show sometimes at the end of a hard night to unwind, especially if we are tired and worked hard. There is something joyous about a good show hugging on the couch together. We couldn't find anything inspiring to watch.
So we decided to re-watch a series we had LOVED watching when it came out. The series is called the Sopranos
The second source of societal pressure comes from the media and the content you consume. What do you read on a regular basis? What do you watch on a regular basis? What do you listen to on a regular basis? How are they influencing your thinking and what are they defining as successful for you. Have you taken what they say to be the truth without thinking about it?
A few years ago Katie and I were looking for a new series to watch on television. We like to watch a show sometimes at the end of a hard night to unwind, especially if we are tired and worked hard. There is something joyous about a good show hugging on the couch together. We couldn't find anything inspiring to watch.
So we decided to re-watch a series we had LOVED watching when it came out. The series is called the Sopranos
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The basic story is about a New Jersey mafia boss, Tony Soprano, and his family problems. Interacting with his mafia family, his actual family, his wife Carmela and his mum.
We got hooked and started to watch two or three episodes a night. It was an addiction! After a week we had finished Season 1 and where onto Season 2. There are 6 seasons in total! We didn't notice this straight away but Katie and I started to have more arguments. We got angrier at each other. After one particular argument we looked at each other and asked "are we during into Tony and Carmela?" |
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You become the people you surround yourself with and for some people they spend more time with certain television families that they do with real people. Who are you spending most of your time with? Instagram influencers? The news? Tiger King? Netflix? YouTube creators?
Your media diet goes straight into your subconscious and directly affects your behaviour, your beliefs and very quickly your actions. Just as the food you consume affects your body the media and content you consume affects your mind.
Do you consume fast food media all day long? What is that doing to your brain? The odd media cupcake isn't going to cause too much damage but if you are consuming things that are bad for you all day long it is going to take it's toll on you very quickly.
It took several very painful arguments for us to notice the damage this shit did to us. And we only noticed it because we binged it. One episode a week wasn't going to affect us but spending our lives with these people???
Your media diet goes straight into your subconscious and directly affects your behaviour, your beliefs and very quickly your actions. Just as the food you consume affects your body the media and content you consume affects your mind.
Do you consume fast food media all day long? What is that doing to your brain? The odd media cupcake isn't going to cause too much damage but if you are consuming things that are bad for you all day long it is going to take it's toll on you very quickly.
It took several very painful arguments for us to notice the damage this shit did to us. And we only noticed it because we binged it. One episode a week wasn't going to affect us but spending our lives with these people???
Your training as a child
The third biggest source of influence and probably the hardest to shift comes from your past. What did your parents say to you when you were growing up about success and life? What did your teachers say to you growing up about success and life? What sayings do you repeat to yourself even today, that came from your childhood?
You aren't responsible for the programming that you were given as a child, however, you are 100% responsible for changing it as an adult. We are taught things as children, that we never evaluate as an adult. We just accept the beliefs and ideas that are given to us as truth.
I remember my mum repeating to me, when I was younger, "that money doesn't grow on trees." This was something that I repeated to myself well into my late 20s. I can understand why she believed it with the financial problems my Dad put the family through. Money wasn't growing on trees for them for many many years.
It wasn't until I was on one particular training course where they pointed out that money was made of paper. And it literally grew out of trees. That I started to change my mindset, if I went out and planted a orchard of apple trees. I could grow apples, collect them, harvest them, and then swap them for money. Money can grow on trees. This blew my mind because I started to realise that the beliefs we are handed as a child trap us.
We NEVER take the time to ask "as an adult is this belief helping or hindering me?". It is these beliefs and thoughts that trap us from ever trying new things when we're older. What did your parents, your teachers, and those people around you teach you when you were younger, but you still repeat to the people around you?
Katie and I run the Rebel Finance School together and every single year we take a belief exercise to find out what the strongest beliefs about money are amongst the group. Here are the top 6 beliefs:
Nearly 1000 people surveyed and these are the strongest beliefs? If this is what you believe then how are you ever going to make progress?
The beliefs that are handed down to you by other generations can mess you up and stop you from every making progress. If you believe that realistically you will never be wealthy how hard are you going to get there? If you then combine that belief with "If I strive for wealth and don't succeed then I will feel like a failure" you are in trouble!
We inherit beliefs, ideas and ways of acting from our parents and childhood and most of the time we accept them as absolute irrefutable fact and go through life without ever making up our own minds.
These beliefs, ideas and training from our childhood are the invisible chains that stop us from ever creating the future that we want to.
The third biggest source of influence and probably the hardest to shift comes from your past. What did your parents say to you when you were growing up about success and life? What did your teachers say to you growing up about success and life? What sayings do you repeat to yourself even today, that came from your childhood?
You aren't responsible for the programming that you were given as a child, however, you are 100% responsible for changing it as an adult. We are taught things as children, that we never evaluate as an adult. We just accept the beliefs and ideas that are given to us as truth.
I remember my mum repeating to me, when I was younger, "that money doesn't grow on trees." This was something that I repeated to myself well into my late 20s. I can understand why she believed it with the financial problems my Dad put the family through. Money wasn't growing on trees for them for many many years.
It wasn't until I was on one particular training course where they pointed out that money was made of paper. And it literally grew out of trees. That I started to change my mindset, if I went out and planted a orchard of apple trees. I could grow apples, collect them, harvest them, and then swap them for money. Money can grow on trees. This blew my mind because I started to realise that the beliefs we are handed as a child trap us.
We NEVER take the time to ask "as an adult is this belief helping or hindering me?". It is these beliefs and thoughts that trap us from ever trying new things when we're older. What did your parents, your teachers, and those people around you teach you when you were younger, but you still repeat to the people around you?
Katie and I run the Rebel Finance School together and every single year we take a belief exercise to find out what the strongest beliefs about money are amongst the group. Here are the top 6 beliefs:
- Money can't buy you happiness
- The rich get rich the poor get poorer
- It takes money to make money
- Realistically chance are I will never be wealthy
- If I strive for wealth and don't succeed then I will feel like a failure
- Getting rich takes too much work or struggle
Nearly 1000 people surveyed and these are the strongest beliefs? If this is what you believe then how are you ever going to make progress?
The beliefs that are handed down to you by other generations can mess you up and stop you from every making progress. If you believe that realistically you will never be wealthy how hard are you going to get there? If you then combine that belief with "If I strive for wealth and don't succeed then I will feel like a failure" you are in trouble!
We inherit beliefs, ideas and ways of acting from our parents and childhood and most of the time we accept them as absolute irrefutable fact and go through life without ever making up our own minds.
These beliefs, ideas and training from our childhood are the invisible chains that stop us from ever creating the future that we want to.
Societies beliefs exercise.
Over the next week, I would love you to start to write down these sayings and expressions and beliefs that you repeat to yourself and the people around you. If you have kids, what do you catch yourself saying to them that your parents said to you? What expressions or sayings have you picked up from the media or friends that you repeat?
You might be also thinking "Alan; not another week long exercise! COME ON. I am not going to do this home work". My response to this is:
Start to become conscious of the beliefs and sayings that you repeat to yourself and others around you.
The next step after this is to start to decide whether you want to proliferate those beliefs or break them. Society has told you so many different things and you have accepted a huge number of them without actually deciding whether or not they are right for you. One of the most pervasive beliefs in society is that the most important thing you can do is buy your own home and that renting is throwing away money.
Have you ever taken the time to do the maths to workout whether this is actually true or not?
This belief is actually a mathematical problem to workout whether or not renting and investing is better than buying. But no one actually takes the time to work it out. They just accept the belief that society has passed down without ever challenging it. Start to challenge societies beliefs and decide whether or not they are the right thing for you to live by.
We did the maths on this belief ourselves recently and it turns out there was little difference between renting and buying in Basingstoke over the years. So then it comes down to what do I actually want for my life rather than following just what society has taught me.
Over the next week, I would love you to start to write down these sayings and expressions and beliefs that you repeat to yourself and the people around you. If you have kids, what do you catch yourself saying to them that your parents said to you? What expressions or sayings have you picked up from the media or friends that you repeat?
You might be also thinking "Alan; not another week long exercise! COME ON. I am not going to do this home work". My response to this is:
- If you don't do the home work how do you expect anything to change?
- Can you do it for three days? Just keep a little note pad with you or write it in your phone for three days?
- If you can't manage three days then just sit down NOW and journal about it for 30 minutes. Can you give me 30 minutes for this exercise?
Start to become conscious of the beliefs and sayings that you repeat to yourself and others around you.
The next step after this is to start to decide whether you want to proliferate those beliefs or break them. Society has told you so many different things and you have accepted a huge number of them without actually deciding whether or not they are right for you. One of the most pervasive beliefs in society is that the most important thing you can do is buy your own home and that renting is throwing away money.
Have you ever taken the time to do the maths to workout whether this is actually true or not?
This belief is actually a mathematical problem to workout whether or not renting and investing is better than buying. But no one actually takes the time to work it out. They just accept the belief that society has passed down without ever challenging it. Start to challenge societies beliefs and decide whether or not they are the right thing for you to live by.
We did the maths on this belief ourselves recently and it turns out there was little difference between renting and buying in Basingstoke over the years. So then it comes down to what do I actually want for my life rather than following just what society has taught me.
Fitting in.....
We all have a need and desire to fit in. We want to feel like we are part of something bigger than ourselves, a community, a family or a group of friends.
When I was younger, this was my biggest driver. After being bullied heavily at school, all I wanted to do was to fit in and be part of the gang. To fit in growing up, I had to play soccer/football, drink and chase girls. That is what everyone else was interested in, and so if I wanted to be part of the gang, I had to be interested in it as well.
It's incredible how we change ourselves and our desires just to fit in with a group of people. It wasn't until I had done years and years of self development that I started to trust what I actually wanted in life and how I wanted to live. It was at this point that I started to stop caring about fitting in.
I started rebel Business School because the standard way to start a business that is taught around the world is completely wrong and actually damages people's financial future rather than helps them. I had to decide to stand out with my business to be able to achieve my mission of helping people. I didn't fit in with other start-up or traditional business support communities. I was teaching something completely different and had to decide to let go of fitting in to actually make progress. The standard way to start a business is to:
When I was younger, this was my biggest driver. After being bullied heavily at school, all I wanted to do was to fit in and be part of the gang. To fit in growing up, I had to play soccer/football, drink and chase girls. That is what everyone else was interested in, and so if I wanted to be part of the gang, I had to be interested in it as well.
It's incredible how we change ourselves and our desires just to fit in with a group of people. It wasn't until I had done years and years of self development that I started to trust what I actually wanted in life and how I wanted to live. It was at this point that I started to stop caring about fitting in.
I started rebel Business School because the standard way to start a business that is taught around the world is completely wrong and actually damages people's financial future rather than helps them. I had to decide to stand out with my business to be able to achieve my mission of helping people. I didn't fit in with other start-up or traditional business support communities. I was teaching something completely different and had to decide to let go of fitting in to actually make progress. The standard way to start a business is to:
- Come up with an idea.
- Write a business plan where you work out the total size of the market and what percentage of that market you are hoping to secure.
- Work out everything you need to buy to start your business. The amount of debt you need to get going
- Take a loan out for that amount of money, which is called a start-up loan.
- Go into debt and then spend all of the money you have borrowed on stock a website or business cards.
- After everything is ready, you go out to market and start to sell your product or service.
- Maybe you make money in year 2.
The standard way of starting a business is perpetuated by society. If you search in Google for how to start a business, the first article that comes up will talk to you about writing your business plan and where to borrow money.
If you go to traditional education, schools, colleges or universities, they will talk to you about writing business plans and borrowing money as the way to start a business. Society and everything around us trains us to start a business in this way. I realized that it is the most idiotic thing you can do.
There is an expression; "it takes money to make money" that society has trained us to believe. They have taught us that we need to get money before we can make money, which is the exact opposite of what is actually true. Banks and lenders want us to believe that we need to take a loan to start-up because that is how they make money! Is it any wonder that the biggest provider/sponsor of start-up support in the UK are banks?
Is it any wonder that we have never been able to get a bank to sponsor our course for how to start a business without borrowing money?
I built a global movement teaching thousands of people to start businesses without debt. If I had wanted to fit in, I would have just taught the same thing as everyone else. Sometimes the pressure to do the same as everyone else is so great that we just end up fitting in, even though deep within ourselves, we know it's not the right thing. It doesn't take money to make money. You don't need to write a business plan to build a business. You don't need to borrow money to be able to set up and sell. You can build a business without debt if you want to.
The pressure from society to follow the standard plan (business plans, debt etc.) is so immense that most people give in to it. If you Google the result and everything backs up that believe, if you go to the trusted start-up sources and they all say the same thing how hard is it to do the opposite?
You don't have to fit in. You can do things differently. And if you do things differently, you will get different results.
Life doesn't train us that well to stand out. It actually does the opposite. A school do you get rewarded for standing out and challenging the teachers and the assumptions? Do you parents like it when you challenge them? Does the judge in court like it when you tell him he is wrong? How do the professionals react when you question them?
Society and life train us to conform. This is why it is so hard to stand out and do things differently.
This chapter is designed to help you start to see the invisible chains that are wrapped around you and why it is so difficult for us to do things differently and stand out.
If you go to traditional education, schools, colleges or universities, they will talk to you about writing business plans and borrowing money as the way to start a business. Society and everything around us trains us to start a business in this way. I realized that it is the most idiotic thing you can do.
There is an expression; "it takes money to make money" that society has trained us to believe. They have taught us that we need to get money before we can make money, which is the exact opposite of what is actually true. Banks and lenders want us to believe that we need to take a loan to start-up because that is how they make money! Is it any wonder that the biggest provider/sponsor of start-up support in the UK are banks?
Is it any wonder that we have never been able to get a bank to sponsor our course for how to start a business without borrowing money?
I built a global movement teaching thousands of people to start businesses without debt. If I had wanted to fit in, I would have just taught the same thing as everyone else. Sometimes the pressure to do the same as everyone else is so great that we just end up fitting in, even though deep within ourselves, we know it's not the right thing. It doesn't take money to make money. You don't need to write a business plan to build a business. You don't need to borrow money to be able to set up and sell. You can build a business without debt if you want to.
The pressure from society to follow the standard plan (business plans, debt etc.) is so immense that most people give in to it. If you Google the result and everything backs up that believe, if you go to the trusted start-up sources and they all say the same thing how hard is it to do the opposite?
You don't have to fit in. You can do things differently. And if you do things differently, you will get different results.
- If you want the same results as everyone else, do the same as everyone else.
- If you want different results, do things differently.
- If you want exceptional results, do something exceptional.
Life doesn't train us that well to stand out. It actually does the opposite. A school do you get rewarded for standing out and challenging the teachers and the assumptions? Do you parents like it when you challenge them? Does the judge in court like it when you tell him he is wrong? How do the professionals react when you question them?
Society and life train us to conform. This is why it is so hard to stand out and do things differently.
This chapter is designed to help you start to see the invisible chains that are wrapped around you and why it is so difficult for us to do things differently and stand out.
The same results as everyone else
If you do the same thing as everyone else with your finances, you will get the same results as everyone else. If you do the same as everyone else you will get the same results as everyone else!
The standard plan for people's finances is pretty similar to the standard life plan with a bit of debt thrown in!
This is the standard plan for finances and will leave you broke at retirement. 42% of Americans are at risk of being broke at retirement and in the UK 45% of us believe we are going to have to work till we drop dead.
If you want different results, you have to do something completely differently.
Despite the family pressure to upgrade our home and buy a house, Katie and I decided to stay in the two bedroom apartment we already lived in. Instead of spending more money, we took every extra pound we earned and invested it.
Those investments grew and grew until the point we never had to work again. I retired at 40 years old and Katie beat me by five years, retiring at 35. The reason we were able to retire 25 plus years earlier than the average person is because we did different things. If you want the same results as everyone else in society, then do the same things as everyone else. If you want different results, then do something completely differently. Stop being constrained by what society expects you to do and start deciding on what success looks like for you and working towards it. You can build any life you desire if you are willing to stand out from the crowd and do what it takes.
The standard plan for people's finances is pretty similar to the standard life plan with a bit of debt thrown in!
- Get a good graduate job and start to earn more money.
- Then buy your first property and spend everything you earn decorating and filling it with stuff.
- Get promoted at work and continue to spend all of the extra money you earn on upgrading your lifestyle. You buy a better car, you get a new dishwasher, you buy garden furniture.
- Eventually you start to earn so much money that you start to think about upgrading your house and moving from your starter home to a four bed home with land.
- Continue to spend everything you earn because you will always keep earning more money. 53% of Americans cannot survive a $400 emergency. The reason for this is that they spend every dollar and cent they earn each month. Society trains us to keep up with the Joneses and to keep buying the latest iPhone, the latest things and expensive meals and coffees.
- Forget saving for your retirement as you will be fine later. You will earn more later and you need to live for the moment don't you!
This is the standard plan for finances and will leave you broke at retirement. 42% of Americans are at risk of being broke at retirement and in the UK 45% of us believe we are going to have to work till we drop dead.
If you want different results, you have to do something completely differently.
Despite the family pressure to upgrade our home and buy a house, Katie and I decided to stay in the two bedroom apartment we already lived in. Instead of spending more money, we took every extra pound we earned and invested it.
Those investments grew and grew until the point we never had to work again. I retired at 40 years old and Katie beat me by five years, retiring at 35. The reason we were able to retire 25 plus years earlier than the average person is because we did different things. If you want the same results as everyone else in society, then do the same things as everyone else. If you want different results, then do something completely differently. Stop being constrained by what society expects you to do and start deciding on what success looks like for you and working towards it. You can build any life you desire if you are willing to stand out from the crowd and do what it takes.
Standing up to the experts
We LOVE to listen to experts. We LOVE to listen to the people that have studied and trained for something. The Doctors and Judges and Financial experts that tell us what to do with our lives. I have a very strong distrust of authority which has served me incredibly well over the years and here is where it comes from.
When I was 26 years old I was out playing football. It was my second game of the night. I sprinted down the line and we lost the ball so I turned to run back and there was a lour Popping sounds behind me. Pain shot up my left leg from my heel and I collapsed. It felt like I had been kicked from behind. There was no one near me.
I hopped to the edge of the pitch and sat there sensing the damaged. I made the decision I couldn't play on and hobbled to my car to drive myself home. I was able to drive myself home so I surmised it can't be that bad even though the pain was through the roof!
The next day I went to the Doctor's surgery to get it checked out. The doctor asked me what happened and I told her the story. She peered over the desk at my leg and decided it was nothing serious. She told me it was probably a sprained ankle and to take paracetamol every 2 hours to help with the swelling and come back in 2 weeks if it hadn't healed.
I knew it was more serious that this. My insides where screaming don't accept this advice but I didn't know how to challenge her or people with authority at that point. I hung my head and hobbled back to my car and home. At home I sat there ruminating on the fact I knew it was a serious injury.
So I turned to google (I know you are all screaming don't trust the internet at this point and I have a healthy level of scepticism for that too!) I found an article talking about calf injuries and they said there was a simple test you could do to see if it was an Achilles rupture. You kneel on a chair with your foot hanging off the edge and then you squeeze your calf muscle. If your foot moves then your calf and foot are attached and if it doesn't they aren't. Pretty simple test so far.
i did it and my foot didn't move. I kept redoing the test and nothing changed. I was in a panic at this point as I knew how bad an Achilles rupture is. I had to get a second opinion so I got in my car (I know) and drove myself to hospital. I told the triage nurse the whole story and she smiled and said that I didn't really need her.
They send me for a scan to confirm the injury and the results where that I had a full Achilles rupture. My tendon had snapped in two playing football. They operated that day and tied it back together.
When I woke up I chatted to the doctor about the operation and had it had gone. I told him the story of my first diagnosis and he looked horrified. He told me if I had listened to that doctor then my injury might not have healed properly and I might have not walked properly again.
This build onto of my distain and distrust for the justice system. Remember I told you about the family home being repossessed when I was younger and arguing in court. I remember distinctly explaining to the judge that we didn't think the house could be taken because of the statute of limitations which says that after so many years of not hearing about a debt it gets written off. He looked at us and told us the Statute of limitations didn't apply to mortgages. I knew it did and argued with him. He shut my down and gave the hose to the bank and so started one of the worst days of my life.
I appealed against this and stood up to this judge. We won the right to appeal and the judge up recognised that this judge had made a wrong decision.
No one can know everything. Both of these people were doing the best they could with the information they had. Maybe my doctor had a tough day and many patients and she was just trying to get through them. When I complained she apologised and told me that they are trained to asses patients pain as they entered the room and I didn't look in enough pain for it to be serious.
Both these people were probably doing the best they could but no one can know everything. A judge can not know all the lae, there is too much to remember. A Doctor can not know all medicine, it changes too fast and is too big a subject. A financial professional has studied exams about helping people with their finances but does that mean they have ever heard of financial independence or studied it?
Experts and professionals are there to be listened to and heard. Then you need to make up your mind what to do next.
Just the same as with my book. You need to read it and then decide what you are going to do next. Don't trust me.
When I was 26 years old I was out playing football. It was my second game of the night. I sprinted down the line and we lost the ball so I turned to run back and there was a lour Popping sounds behind me. Pain shot up my left leg from my heel and I collapsed. It felt like I had been kicked from behind. There was no one near me.
I hopped to the edge of the pitch and sat there sensing the damaged. I made the decision I couldn't play on and hobbled to my car to drive myself home. I was able to drive myself home so I surmised it can't be that bad even though the pain was through the roof!
The next day I went to the Doctor's surgery to get it checked out. The doctor asked me what happened and I told her the story. She peered over the desk at my leg and decided it was nothing serious. She told me it was probably a sprained ankle and to take paracetamol every 2 hours to help with the swelling and come back in 2 weeks if it hadn't healed.
I knew it was more serious that this. My insides where screaming don't accept this advice but I didn't know how to challenge her or people with authority at that point. I hung my head and hobbled back to my car and home. At home I sat there ruminating on the fact I knew it was a serious injury.
So I turned to google (I know you are all screaming don't trust the internet at this point and I have a healthy level of scepticism for that too!) I found an article talking about calf injuries and they said there was a simple test you could do to see if it was an Achilles rupture. You kneel on a chair with your foot hanging off the edge and then you squeeze your calf muscle. If your foot moves then your calf and foot are attached and if it doesn't they aren't. Pretty simple test so far.
i did it and my foot didn't move. I kept redoing the test and nothing changed. I was in a panic at this point as I knew how bad an Achilles rupture is. I had to get a second opinion so I got in my car (I know) and drove myself to hospital. I told the triage nurse the whole story and she smiled and said that I didn't really need her.
They send me for a scan to confirm the injury and the results where that I had a full Achilles rupture. My tendon had snapped in two playing football. They operated that day and tied it back together.
When I woke up I chatted to the doctor about the operation and had it had gone. I told him the story of my first diagnosis and he looked horrified. He told me if I had listened to that doctor then my injury might not have healed properly and I might have not walked properly again.
This build onto of my distain and distrust for the justice system. Remember I told you about the family home being repossessed when I was younger and arguing in court. I remember distinctly explaining to the judge that we didn't think the house could be taken because of the statute of limitations which says that after so many years of not hearing about a debt it gets written off. He looked at us and told us the Statute of limitations didn't apply to mortgages. I knew it did and argued with him. He shut my down and gave the hose to the bank and so started one of the worst days of my life.
I appealed against this and stood up to this judge. We won the right to appeal and the judge up recognised that this judge had made a wrong decision.
No one can know everything. Both of these people were doing the best they could with the information they had. Maybe my doctor had a tough day and many patients and she was just trying to get through them. When I complained she apologised and told me that they are trained to asses patients pain as they entered the room and I didn't look in enough pain for it to be serious.
Both these people were probably doing the best they could but no one can know everything. A judge can not know all the lae, there is too much to remember. A Doctor can not know all medicine, it changes too fast and is too big a subject. A financial professional has studied exams about helping people with their finances but does that mean they have ever heard of financial independence or studied it?
Experts and professionals are there to be listened to and heard. Then you need to make up your mind what to do next.
Just the same as with my book. You need to read it and then decide what you are going to do next. Don't trust me.
Don't ask a barber if you need a hair cut
For a decade I have been running Rebel Business School around the globe. We now have Rebel Business Schools in France, New Zealand, Morocco, Colombia and the UK. I have run courses from United States of America to Namibia and Chatham, Kent. It doesn't matter where you go the same belief and mentality exists.
People believe that it takes money to make money. People believe that you need to write a business plan and get a loan to launch. You need to secure funding before you start. So many people are trapped by this bullshit belief that has been propagated over the years.
I remember the first time Simon and I were going to run a course in Afrika. I was nervous. Our start-up methodology had worked really well in England, Scotland, Wales, the United States and more but we had never tested in Afrika. This was a whole new world. Would they even have the same problems?
We arrived in Namibia and had a day before the course started. We went for a wonder round Windhoek to get to know the place and where shocked seeing signs advertising support writing your business plan and finding funding to launch your business. In that moment I new that this belief had somehow permeated the world.
It doesn't matter where you go the same beliefs and ideas exist. Why is that?
Who do you think is the biggest supplier of start-up training in the UK? Who do you think funds that training?
The Banks. They put millions into supporting "start-ups"
How do the banks make money? By lending you money (you pay interest), by helping you take payments (they take a percentage) and by selling you business bank accounts which they charge for.
If you want to get a loan from a bank what do you have to present to get the loan? A business plan. The banks are motivated by lending money, that is one of their primary income streams. So should you ask a bank if you need a loan to start a business? Should you ask a venture capitalist if you need an injection of cash to grow? Should you ask an angel investor if you need money to build a business?
All of these people make money by lending, investing and "helping" start-ups.
My wife Katie likes to remind me (wisely) that you should never ask a barber if you need a haircut! I mean what are they going to say? Don't give me your money you are fine for another 6 months? No, they are going to say "I could do this, I could do that" they will see opportunities to improve your hair and earn money.
I think it is hugely important you know where your advice is coming from and what motivates the people giving it to you. This has got so bad over recent years that we have had to create laws to protect customers. Instagram influencers are required by law to tell people they are being paid to recommend products, bloggers are required by law to tell you if something is an affiliate link. If I recommend a book to you here and put an affiliate link to Amazon where I get a few pence I need to tell you. My advice might not be pure. I might be motivate by the reward of selling rather than objective of helping.
Of course the two can be aligned. I could recommend an incredible book and get paid if you buy it. Business can be a force for incredible good however there are a lot of instances where it isn't.
Here are some examples of this playing out in the real world. People have HUGE conflicts of interest when selling things but they burry their head in the sand and sell shit people don't need because they make money doing it.
You should be asking this about me too!
Just to be clear in the business school my motivation is to help people avoid debt. I saw what it did to my family and want to help people avoid debt at all costs. In the finance school I want to help people get to Financial Independence and get their finances in better order; I just think the world would be a better place if we weren't slaves to money. With this book my motivation is to help people make progress and to get back the stories of success they go through.
Everyone has motivation. I want to feel like I am making a difference and the only way that happens is if you write, email or send a carrier pigeon telling me!
You won't ask a restauranteur if you needed to eat would you? You would probably work it out for yourself.
People believe that it takes money to make money. People believe that you need to write a business plan and get a loan to launch. You need to secure funding before you start. So many people are trapped by this bullshit belief that has been propagated over the years.
I remember the first time Simon and I were going to run a course in Afrika. I was nervous. Our start-up methodology had worked really well in England, Scotland, Wales, the United States and more but we had never tested in Afrika. This was a whole new world. Would they even have the same problems?
We arrived in Namibia and had a day before the course started. We went for a wonder round Windhoek to get to know the place and where shocked seeing signs advertising support writing your business plan and finding funding to launch your business. In that moment I new that this belief had somehow permeated the world.
It doesn't matter where you go the same beliefs and ideas exist. Why is that?
Who do you think is the biggest supplier of start-up training in the UK? Who do you think funds that training?
The Banks. They put millions into supporting "start-ups"
How do the banks make money? By lending you money (you pay interest), by helping you take payments (they take a percentage) and by selling you business bank accounts which they charge for.
If you want to get a loan from a bank what do you have to present to get the loan? A business plan. The banks are motivated by lending money, that is one of their primary income streams. So should you ask a bank if you need a loan to start a business? Should you ask a venture capitalist if you need an injection of cash to grow? Should you ask an angel investor if you need money to build a business?
All of these people make money by lending, investing and "helping" start-ups.
My wife Katie likes to remind me (wisely) that you should never ask a barber if you need a haircut! I mean what are they going to say? Don't give me your money you are fine for another 6 months? No, they are going to say "I could do this, I could do that" they will see opportunities to improve your hair and earn money.
I think it is hugely important you know where your advice is coming from and what motivates the people giving it to you. This has got so bad over recent years that we have had to create laws to protect customers. Instagram influencers are required by law to tell people they are being paid to recommend products, bloggers are required by law to tell you if something is an affiliate link. If I recommend a book to you here and put an affiliate link to Amazon where I get a few pence I need to tell you. My advice might not be pure. I might be motivate by the reward of selling rather than objective of helping.
Of course the two can be aligned. I could recommend an incredible book and get paid if you buy it. Business can be a force for incredible good however there are a lot of instances where it isn't.
Here are some examples of this playing out in the real world. People have HUGE conflicts of interest when selling things but they burry their head in the sand and sell shit people don't need because they make money doing it.
- Banks - how do they make money? If you go to them for start-up advice what are they going to end up talking to you about?
- Accountants - how do they make money? If you go to them and ask what type of company structure you need what are they incentivised to offer?
- Solicitors - How do they make money? If you go to them and ask if you need a partnership agreement, contracts, articles of incorporation what are they going to say?
- Financial advisors - if you go to a financial advisor what products are they incentivised to offer? We have tried to clear this up in the UK but we still have qualified FAs selling products with high commissions for them and worse returns for the customers
- Bloggers - We are in Argentina as I write this and were googling best exchange rates. Some of the articles that came up advertised a service with a worse fee because they got paid rather than the one that was best for the reader. And Google is promoting these articles by putting them at the top of the list
You should be asking this about me too!
Just to be clear in the business school my motivation is to help people avoid debt. I saw what it did to my family and want to help people avoid debt at all costs. In the finance school I want to help people get to Financial Independence and get their finances in better order; I just think the world would be a better place if we weren't slaves to money. With this book my motivation is to help people make progress and to get back the stories of success they go through.
Everyone has motivation. I want to feel like I am making a difference and the only way that happens is if you write, email or send a carrier pigeon telling me!
You won't ask a restauranteur if you needed to eat would you? You would probably work it out for yourself.
Make up your own mind
You need to trust some people. This is how we learn. We find people that have done what we want to do and copy them. We have to trust our doctors and judges at some point. We have to trust in the people that offer advice at some point and give it a go. I am not telling you to "trust no-one!" like the conspiracy theorists.
Most people are doing their best. They have good intentions.
What I am telling you is to look for multiple sources of information and then work out how the people giving this advice make their money. After you have looked at multiple sources of independent information then it is time for the most important piece of all.
What do you think?
This is the bit people want to avoid. They say things like "I can't be trusted to make decisions with money" so they force the decision on other people without really understanding what they other people are doing. They hire financial advisors because they don't trust themselves to do it. They outsource health decision to Doctors without checking what is going on in their bodies. They ask for advice and blindly follow it without really checking inside themselves if it is good for them, if it sits well.
When Katie and I were starting on our financial independence journey we read one book and started investing small, we read the next book and then two blogs and by the time we had read a HUGE percentage of content about FI investing we discovered that the advice was pretty similar. Multiple independence sources recommended index investing.
We even flew to Ecuador to go on a FI retreat and meet the most influential bloggers and learn from them.
We did our homework, we learnt and then we checked inside that we trusted, that we felt happy.
Read the book and then work out which piece of advice you need to take, don't just blindly follow everyone else. Go on the courses, learn and evaluate and think. Don't pre-judge. Listen to the people and then make up your mind afterwards.
Most people are doing their best. They have good intentions.
What I am telling you is to look for multiple sources of information and then work out how the people giving this advice make their money. After you have looked at multiple sources of independent information then it is time for the most important piece of all.
What do you think?
This is the bit people want to avoid. They say things like "I can't be trusted to make decisions with money" so they force the decision on other people without really understanding what they other people are doing. They hire financial advisors because they don't trust themselves to do it. They outsource health decision to Doctors without checking what is going on in their bodies. They ask for advice and blindly follow it without really checking inside themselves if it is good for them, if it sits well.
When Katie and I were starting on our financial independence journey we read one book and started investing small, we read the next book and then two blogs and by the time we had read a HUGE percentage of content about FI investing we discovered that the advice was pretty similar. Multiple independence sources recommended index investing.
We even flew to Ecuador to go on a FI retreat and meet the most influential bloggers and learn from them.
We did our homework, we learnt and then we checked inside that we trusted, that we felt happy.
Read the book and then work out which piece of advice you need to take, don't just blindly follow everyone else. Go on the courses, learn and evaluate and think. Don't pre-judge. Listen to the people and then make up your mind afterwards.
Why it is so hard.......
It is hard to follow your own path to create the life you actually want to live because the ruts of the standard path are so deeply entrenched in society. It is hard to get out of them, to stand out, to do things differently.
Society and well meaning advice stops up from doing what we need to do. Advice and training provided people that are financially motivated to give it tells us to do things that aren't in our best interests; and well everyone else is doing it so why wouldn't I?
It is hard to stand up to the "rules"
Here is the exercise for this chapter. I want you to print out, write out download the following page. I want you to have it physically in front of you. Actual paper. If you have a printer then print this out. If you don't then write it out on a piece of paper. This is an important exercise.
Here is the sheet
Society and well meaning advice stops up from doing what we need to do. Advice and training provided people that are financially motivated to give it tells us to do things that aren't in our best interests; and well everyone else is doing it so why wouldn't I?
It is hard to stand up to the "rules"
Here is the exercise for this chapter. I want you to print out, write out download the following page. I want you to have it physically in front of you. Actual paper. If you have a printer then print this out. If you don't then write it out on a piece of paper. This is an important exercise.
Here is the sheet
The rules of life
Written by the people that know better than you what leads to your happiness (without ever getting to know you)
Written by the people that know better than you what leads to your happiness (without ever getting to know you)
- Go to school and work hard to get good grades.
- Go to university and work hard to get good grades. Take on debt to get through university because starting life with debt is always a good idea
- Secure a good graduate job so that you can start earning money
- Buy your first property and buy as big a property as you can because it will ALWAYS go up and having lots of debt keeps you working for the company
- Find someone to date
- Get a pet
- Upgrade to a bigger house - the bigger the better
- Get married
- Have kids
- Work in the same career or industry for the next 50 years - trust the company to look after you in retirement and never really bother looking at your pension because putting your head in the sand always leads to success
- Retire - you can only live your dreams when you retire and have to wait to do something for yourself
- Die -
Print it out
I know this seems a weird request but I want you to do it.
If we were together on a Rebel Business School I would hand you one of these and then read you through the steps in the most depressing tone ever. We would feel the despair of doing things the traditional way and the weight society puts upon us.
Then I would smile and ask you to rip up the rule book.
People look at me a little bit strangely when I say this. What do you mean rip up the rule book? I mean physically tear it up and I demonstrate with the one in my hands. They start to do it and feel the relief of ripping up the rules.
There is an air of energy that goes round the room and they throw the pieces at each other.
The relief that they don't have to do what society puts on them is palpable!
You don't have to follow societies plan for you if you don't want to. You can choose the plan you are going to follow. You can choose to follow some or all of it. If you want to follow it do it as a conscious choice. If you don't want to follow any of it don't!
Now comes the exciting bit. Free of the societal chains that have bound you. The invisible rules that make it hard to stand up you get to decide what you want. You can decide what extraordinary is for you and then we can start to systematically and methodically go about creating the life of your dreams.
Let's work out what extraordinary means to you in the next chapter.
If we were together on a Rebel Business School I would hand you one of these and then read you through the steps in the most depressing tone ever. We would feel the despair of doing things the traditional way and the weight society puts upon us.
Then I would smile and ask you to rip up the rule book.
People look at me a little bit strangely when I say this. What do you mean rip up the rule book? I mean physically tear it up and I demonstrate with the one in my hands. They start to do it and feel the relief of ripping up the rules.
There is an air of energy that goes round the room and they throw the pieces at each other.
The relief that they don't have to do what society puts on them is palpable!
You don't have to follow societies plan for you if you don't want to. You can choose the plan you are going to follow. You can choose to follow some or all of it. If you want to follow it do it as a conscious choice. If you don't want to follow any of it don't!
Now comes the exciting bit. Free of the societal chains that have bound you. The invisible rules that make it hard to stand up you get to decide what you want. You can decide what extraordinary is for you and then we can start to systematically and methodically go about creating the life of your dreams.
Let's work out what extraordinary means to you in the next chapter.
Thank you for reading
Feedback is the breakfast of champions. Without it how can I improve the book and make it better for you and the next readers. Please help me with two questions:
Thank you so much for reading the book so far and helping me make it stronger. I REALLY appreciate it.
please write those two things below in the Facebook comments so I have it all in one place!
- Which bits did you find boring and skip over?
- Where did you stop reading?
Thank you so much for reading the book so far and helping me make it stronger. I REALLY appreciate it.
please write those two things below in the Facebook comments so I have it all in one place!
Disclaimer:
It appears that the Facebook comments aren't showing up for some people. I had a look into this and apparently Facebook blocks the comments section for people who aren't logged into Facebook on the current browser. This also means that if you are using a phone, you will need to be logged into Facebook on the browser, not just the app if you want to add a comment. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a fix for this.
It appears that the Facebook comments aren't showing up for some people. I had a look into this and apparently Facebook blocks the comments section for people who aren't logged into Facebook on the current browser. This also means that if you are using a phone, you will need to be logged into Facebook on the browser, not just the app if you want to add a comment. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a fix for this.
