Chapter 1: The extraordinary belongs to those that create it
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When you were at school, did someone arrive in your class one day, stare at each and everyone of you, and ask "Who would like an extraordinary life? Follow me!"
If this happened to you then please tell the rest of us which school you went to so we can send our kids there! No one came round to my school offering extraordinary lives for free. In fact no one really talked to me about what life I wanted to live beyond what job I wanted to get. The message I got was "You don't want to go to university? over to you then sunny Jim!" |
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School was always focused on what job I was going to get, which college I was going to go to, but that was about the extend of it. No-one asked me what type of life I wanted to lead, let alone helped me to figure out what my vision of life might be. If the extraordinary belongs to those that create it, my school didn't give me the tools I needed. In fact they didn't even give me the concept that a life was built.
The Extraordinary belongs to those that create it
As the first step of my mini-experiment to write this book, I wrote an outline of the content and then generated ideas for chapter titles. I narrowed it down to the top 5 or so for each chapter and then asked you to vote.
Which you still can if you want to influence the book! Chapter title voting
53.7% of you chose the same title for this chapter and I can see why. This is an expression that has been rattling around my head for the best part of a decade and drives everything I do!
Which you still can if you want to influence the book! Chapter title voting
53.7% of you chose the same title for this chapter and I can see why. This is an expression that has been rattling around my head for the best part of a decade and drives everything I do!
Enjoy the first chapter of my book and as you read I would love you to collect your thoughts to help me improve it. If you have a moment at the end of reading this, I would LOVE you to write a comment below for me. Your comments are going to be the gold dust that helps me turn this book into something truly exceptional.
Thanks for reading and helping me to improve my concepts to help as many people as possible.
Thanks for reading and helping me to improve my concepts to help as many people as possible.
What the hell does extraordinary mean?
I was running a session about creating an extraordinary life in The Doro Valley, Portugal. I had an audience of 40, incredibly successful people in front of me. My session started full of energy and vigour and then came to a grinding holt over the word goal. One person spoke up about the corporate PTSD they had from the word; another argued that they didn't want goals in their life, and then one lady looked at the group and said "I don't want goals, I just want to get a new family dinning table and have dinner with my family every single night!"
This hit me so hard at the moment, I couldn't help thinking those are goals! You have a goal to get a new kitchen table. You have a goal to create an environment where your kids want to have dinner with you every single night. You have a goal to bring your family together.
The word goal got all these people riled up about not having them and working on what is important not "just" goals.
Society asks "are you working on something important"? Building a career, investing, creating a business, or some other very IMPORTANT goal. Society judges us for our goals and desires and makes us feel bad if it is a "frivolous" goal!
Society says goals should be worthy, important or significant. I gave up that definition a long time ago.
Years ago I was listening to a self-development CD set (yes, I am dating myself here, if you are too young to remember CDs then please email me for a description) that had a goal-setting process within it. It asked lots of questions like:
I was super inspired and wrote about so many different things I would love to do and have. I wanted a new American style fridge for my house (British ones traditionally are half the size of American ones and a bit shit!), I wanted a new laptop. I wanted to travel to Costa Rica again. I wanted to meet Tony Robbins! I had so many ideas.
I didn't care whether having a new fridge was a worthy goal. I just wanted it.
When I say on my podcast, "The extraordinary belongs to those that create it" I think that people mistake extraordinary to mean something that it doesn't to me! They think, "oh it has to be extraordinary", therefore it must be million dollar businesses, books, world travel, financial independence. It has to be HUGE.
To me, extraordinary is just someone living the life they want to live instead of what society has told them to live. I think that is extraordinary. In a world where we measure success by cars, houses, and degrees, I think someone who says "screw all that, I just want an amazing dinning room table and an environment where I can spend every dinner with my kids" is TRULY EXTRAORDINARY.
Our first step to helping you create the life you actually want is to redefine extraordinary for you. I can guarantee my version of extraordinary is not the same as yours, and neither should it be!
Society puts so much pressure on us to create a life that lives up to the media's view of the extraordinary that sometimes we forget to listen to our own inner voice and decide for ourselves what extraordinary is.
This hit me so hard at the moment, I couldn't help thinking those are goals! You have a goal to get a new kitchen table. You have a goal to create an environment where your kids want to have dinner with you every single night. You have a goal to bring your family together.
The word goal got all these people riled up about not having them and working on what is important not "just" goals.
Society asks "are you working on something important"? Building a career, investing, creating a business, or some other very IMPORTANT goal. Society judges us for our goals and desires and makes us feel bad if it is a "frivolous" goal!
Society says goals should be worthy, important or significant. I gave up that definition a long time ago.
Years ago I was listening to a self-development CD set (yes, I am dating myself here, if you are too young to remember CDs then please email me for a description) that had a goal-setting process within it. It asked lots of questions like:
- What would you like to buy?
- Where would you like to travel?
- Who would you like to meet?
I was super inspired and wrote about so many different things I would love to do and have. I wanted a new American style fridge for my house (British ones traditionally are half the size of American ones and a bit shit!), I wanted a new laptop. I wanted to travel to Costa Rica again. I wanted to meet Tony Robbins! I had so many ideas.
I didn't care whether having a new fridge was a worthy goal. I just wanted it.
When I say on my podcast, "The extraordinary belongs to those that create it" I think that people mistake extraordinary to mean something that it doesn't to me! They think, "oh it has to be extraordinary", therefore it must be million dollar businesses, books, world travel, financial independence. It has to be HUGE.
To me, extraordinary is just someone living the life they want to live instead of what society has told them to live. I think that is extraordinary. In a world where we measure success by cars, houses, and degrees, I think someone who says "screw all that, I just want an amazing dinning room table and an environment where I can spend every dinner with my kids" is TRULY EXTRAORDINARY.
Our first step to helping you create the life you actually want is to redefine extraordinary for you. I can guarantee my version of extraordinary is not the same as yours, and neither should it be!
Society puts so much pressure on us to create a life that lives up to the media's view of the extraordinary that sometimes we forget to listen to our own inner voice and decide for ourselves what extraordinary is.
Who is going to give you extraordinary?
Life style design wasn't taught at my school, my college, or in any of the formal education I got. I never made it to university and got straight out into the real world to work. Maybe it was taught at your university and by leaving education I missed out on this?
No one came along and said here kid, you have a fire in your eyes and you want to do good, let me give you the extraordinary life of your dreams. And even if they did they wouldn't have known what extraordinary meant to me or have been able to give it to me.
This stuff isn't taught, it isn't given away at school and no-one knows what type of life you want to build. How can they? You aren't going to be given an extraordinary life. You have to create it and I think this is the power of this sentence. The extraordinary belongs to those that create it.
The power lies in the word "create"
You create your life
I am a 100% believer in the idea that you create your life; at least I am now. When I first heard this concept at a self-development workshop, I was a little offended by it.
The trainer stood in the room telling us that we were 100% responsible for where we are right now. All the good stuff that has happened in our lives; all the bad stuff that exists in our lives, and more. I remember being a little bit offended. I didn't choose my Dad and the financial problems he created for my family.
I didn't choose that he went into debt and gambled the family home on his business! I didn't create any of the shit I was dealing with. I wasn't responsible for the downturn of the economy in 08 and how it affected us.
"I didn't create any of this shit, so piss off telling am that I am 100% responsible for the life I have created" I muttered under my breath in the workshop.
I had completely missed the point. We all do sometimes! Me more than most.
The point of this sentence is that you get to create your life and you control more of it than you imagine, as well as the critical choice of how to respond when things do go wrong.
There were two brothers born 11 months apart.* Their dad was an alcoholic and a drug addict that was convicted for murdering a liquor store cashier "who got in his way" The two brothers took completely different paths as they grew up. One followed Dad and became an alcoholic in and out of prison, eventually being put in jail for attempted murder. The other brother, however, is happily married, good job, raising a family, no addictions. By any traditional measures of success the second brother is hugely successful.
How could these two brothers take such disparate and different paths coming from the same family?
Both were asked independently, "why has your life turned out this way?"
They gave exactly the same answer "With a Dad like mine what else could I have become?"
No one came along and said here kid, you have a fire in your eyes and you want to do good, let me give you the extraordinary life of your dreams. And even if they did they wouldn't have known what extraordinary meant to me or have been able to give it to me.
This stuff isn't taught, it isn't given away at school and no-one knows what type of life you want to build. How can they? You aren't going to be given an extraordinary life. You have to create it and I think this is the power of this sentence. The extraordinary belongs to those that create it.
The power lies in the word "create"
You create your life
I am a 100% believer in the idea that you create your life; at least I am now. When I first heard this concept at a self-development workshop, I was a little offended by it.
The trainer stood in the room telling us that we were 100% responsible for where we are right now. All the good stuff that has happened in our lives; all the bad stuff that exists in our lives, and more. I remember being a little bit offended. I didn't choose my Dad and the financial problems he created for my family.
I didn't choose that he went into debt and gambled the family home on his business! I didn't create any of the shit I was dealing with. I wasn't responsible for the downturn of the economy in 08 and how it affected us.
"I didn't create any of this shit, so piss off telling am that I am 100% responsible for the life I have created" I muttered under my breath in the workshop.
I had completely missed the point. We all do sometimes! Me more than most.
The point of this sentence is that you get to create your life and you control more of it than you imagine, as well as the critical choice of how to respond when things do go wrong.
There were two brothers born 11 months apart.* Their dad was an alcoholic and a drug addict that was convicted for murdering a liquor store cashier "who got in his way" The two brothers took completely different paths as they grew up. One followed Dad and became an alcoholic in and out of prison, eventually being put in jail for attempted murder. The other brother, however, is happily married, good job, raising a family, no addictions. By any traditional measures of success the second brother is hugely successful.
How could these two brothers take such disparate and different paths coming from the same family?
Both were asked independently, "why has your life turned out this way?"
They gave exactly the same answer "With a Dad like mine what else could I have become?"
You get to choose how you respond
Shit happens to all of us. Things go wrong, people do bad things, stuff breaks. Bad stuff is going to happen again and again. There is only one group of people that doesn't have problems any more. Do you know who they are?
Becoming rich doesn't mean you have less problems; becoming successful doesn't mean you have less problems. In fact, sometimes it can mean more of a different type!
The only people without problems are in the graveyard. If you have problems it is a fabulous sign that you are alive and breathing. As soon as you run out of problems I would be a little bit worried!
Problems are a sign of life. They are going to happen to all of us. The only thing you get to control is how you react to them. Are you going to react positively and let this thing teach you something, conquer it and move on? Or are you going to let it take you down?
The two brothers from the story above had exactly the same family and experience and chose how they were going to respond to that family's upbringing. Interestingly they both gave the same reason for their choices.
At the time it doesn't feel like a choice at all because you just react, but after the first reaction is done you get to choose how you want to respond.
My Dad left my family in a mess. He went bankrupt for £3.6M / $5M in the 90s and the only thing it was secured against was the family home. Things got bitter, he cheated on my Mum. I confronted him, we fought, he assaulted my Mum, and we took him to court.
Bad stuff happens. At the time, I didn't really choose my response. I fought, I reacted. I let it take me down for periods of time. It affected me massively.
The magic of time passing means I have got to decide what those events meant for me and edit my story now. Those events have become my driving force to make things happen, to help other people avoid the pain I have experienced and to keep creating.
Becoming rich doesn't mean you have less problems; becoming successful doesn't mean you have less problems. In fact, sometimes it can mean more of a different type!
The only people without problems are in the graveyard. If you have problems it is a fabulous sign that you are alive and breathing. As soon as you run out of problems I would be a little bit worried!
Problems are a sign of life. They are going to happen to all of us. The only thing you get to control is how you react to them. Are you going to react positively and let this thing teach you something, conquer it and move on? Or are you going to let it take you down?
The two brothers from the story above had exactly the same family and experience and chose how they were going to respond to that family's upbringing. Interestingly they both gave the same reason for their choices.
At the time it doesn't feel like a choice at all because you just react, but after the first reaction is done you get to choose how you want to respond.
My Dad left my family in a mess. He went bankrupt for £3.6M / $5M in the 90s and the only thing it was secured against was the family home. Things got bitter, he cheated on my Mum. I confronted him, we fought, he assaulted my Mum, and we took him to court.
Bad stuff happens. At the time, I didn't really choose my response. I fought, I reacted. I let it take me down for periods of time. It affected me massively.
The magic of time passing means I have got to decide what those events meant for me and edit my story now. Those events have become my driving force to make things happen, to help other people avoid the pain I have experienced and to keep creating.
Re-writing the past to take control of your future
At the time all that stuff happened to me, I was a mess. It took years of self-development and forgiveness to get over that and move onwards. One of the biggest parts of that journey was going back and choosing what those events meant to me. Let me give you an example.
My Dad gambled on the family home and lost. He cheated and then fled, leaving me, my little brother and my Mum living in the house he had gambled away. We frequently got letters from the bank demanding payment until eventually they got serious and started the process of eviction. I spent years fighting to keep the family home so my Mum had somewhere to live.
I remember being summoned to Basingstoke County Court to defend ourselves. My Mum, my brother and I walked towards the grey concrete of Basingstoke Court House with a foreboding sense of doom. I had been preparing for a month to defend our case.
In the chambers the banks barrister went first and laid out his case. I tried to reply and say why we shouldn't be kicked out. The judge cut me off, telling me this was a cut and dry case. I bought up a specific point of law that I thought the bank fell foul of and was told in no-uncertain terms that the statute of limitations doesn't apply to a mortgage and the judge made his decision.
He banged down the gavel and awarded our home to the bank and told us we had 1 month to get out. My Mum burst into tears. I argued and got told to be careful otherwise I would be removed. I was in so much pain.
It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. However, I have now chosen what it means to me and used that energy to create amazing things. What has it become to mean to me?
Those tough times have become what I use to shape my character, to create my drive and energy that makes me do things and develop my mission.
I am sure that there have been bad things that have happened to you over the years. We have all ended up as the victim in one situation or another over time. Now is your chance to re-write that story and use it to create something new.
Here is the exercise I would like you to do:
Please do this exercise. Take the time to re-write your past so that you can take control of your future and start to build the life of your dreams.
If this bad stuff from your past is still dragging you down, change the story you attach to it and turn it into the rocket fuel you need to launch the next phase of your evolution! The best thing about your past is that it is in the past and over. Now you get to take control.
My Dad gambled on the family home and lost. He cheated and then fled, leaving me, my little brother and my Mum living in the house he had gambled away. We frequently got letters from the bank demanding payment until eventually they got serious and started the process of eviction. I spent years fighting to keep the family home so my Mum had somewhere to live.
I remember being summoned to Basingstoke County Court to defend ourselves. My Mum, my brother and I walked towards the grey concrete of Basingstoke Court House with a foreboding sense of doom. I had been preparing for a month to defend our case.
In the chambers the banks barrister went first and laid out his case. I tried to reply and say why we shouldn't be kicked out. The judge cut me off, telling me this was a cut and dry case. I bought up a specific point of law that I thought the bank fell foul of and was told in no-uncertain terms that the statute of limitations doesn't apply to a mortgage and the judge made his decision.
He banged down the gavel and awarded our home to the bank and told us we had 1 month to get out. My Mum burst into tears. I argued and got told to be careful otherwise I would be removed. I was in so much pain.
It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. However, I have now chosen what it means to me and used that energy to create amazing things. What has it become to mean to me?
- Taking loans to build a business can be a VERY bad idea. I used this one to build Rebel Business School, which is now a global movement that teaches people to build businesses without debt. I have saved tens of thousands of people from the same fate my family met and earned a decent living running the courses.
- I ended up defeating the bank and settling to be able to get my Mum a new house. This one gave me a very straight-forward conviction that if I felt something was wrong, I could conquer anything or anyone. With a little help from my brother and advice from other people, I defeated a bank. This one means I can defeat anyone I set my mind to in the future.
- In my moments of darkness I found books, CD sets, self-development courses and more than changed my life forever. I had to pay for them and at the time I couldn't always afford them, but those people that produced those resources changed my life forever. This is what drives me to produce content, courses and books that help more people. I became fanatical about self-development and teaching it.
Those tough times have become what I use to shape my character, to create my drive and energy that makes me do things and develop my mission.
I am sure that there have been bad things that have happened to you over the years. We have all ended up as the victim in one situation or another over time. Now is your chance to re-write that story and use it to create something new.
Here is the exercise I would like you to do:
- Get out a note book, paper, OneNote on your computer and get ready to make some notes. There are a LOT of exercises in this book and challenges for you.
- Please think of something bad that happened to you in the past. Do not go back there and experience it (once is enough) just call to mind what it is. Give it a title in the book.
- Next, I want you to write what meaning you gave to this at the time. What did this bad thing mean to you? Did it mean that you were bad? Did it mean that you were at fault? Did it mean something else?
- Then, I would love you to generate other alternative meanings. I could have generated the meaning from my story that my Dad didn't love me, or that entrepreneurship was evil and leads to bankruptcy, or that banks are evil (alright, I might still believe this one 10%!) There are so many stories or meanings I could have told myself about this. Some of them would have helped me build an incredible life, and some of them would have trapped me for decades to come. None of them are right or wrong. None of them are good or bad; they just have a certain impact on your life. You get to decide as an adult what meaning you want to attach to the major shit that happens to you and how you are going to use it in the future. Please write down 10 different meanings or stories you could tell yourself about this event.
- Choose the one that you want to attach to it from now on and then tell a friend about the new meaning. Tell them the rough story (you can leave out the graphic details if it is easier) and then the meaning you have decided to attach to it. Maybe it is going to inspire you to go on a podcast and tell your story, to stop other people experiencing the same thing; maybe you are going to choose to believe that if you can survive that you can survive anything. Maybe you are going to choose to use it to motivate you, power you or drive you forwards. Whatever it is, attach a powerful and positive story to that bad experience. Bad shit happens, we might as well get something good out of it that helps us make progress and live a happier life!
Please do this exercise. Take the time to re-write your past so that you can take control of your future and start to build the life of your dreams.
If this bad stuff from your past is still dragging you down, change the story you attach to it and turn it into the rocket fuel you need to launch the next phase of your evolution! The best thing about your past is that it is in the past and over. Now you get to take control.
What percentage are you responsible for your life?
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If you think of your life as a pie chart, what percentage of that pie are you responsible for and what percentage was just handed to you?
There is stuff you aren't responsible for. I wasn't responsible for where I was born, my DNA, my parents. That stuff happened to me. I am not responsible for my education up until a certain point. I didn't choose the nursery school I went to or probably anything much up until I was a teenager and it was at that point I started to take control. |
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So what am I responsible for?
As a 43 year old, I am now responsible for pretty much everything in my life. I am sat in Bogota, Colombia as I write this in one of my favourite cafes, Masa. I am eating a peanut butter and fruit bowl de acai and I am sat with the most beautiful woman, my wife Katie. Currently I feel pretty much responsible for ALL areas of my life.
I created my finances. I didn't inherit anything. I wasn't given anything; in fact it was the opposite. I am responsible for the city I am currently living in. I chose my wife (she chose me too) and I am using my time exactly as I want to; writing this book for you.
One thing British people love to talk about is the weather and I can't control that at all. Or can I?? I can choose which location I live in, what countries I visit and where I go. We spent the last two months in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico living on the beach with blue skies, sunshine, and perfect temperatures in their winter months!
I was lucky that I was born in the UK. That gave me a huge opportunity that I took advantage of. I was absolutely lucky to be born there, but so were so many other people that never got to financial independence or created the life they wanted to.
What percentage of your life are you responsible for?
The answer is that it doesn't really matter, there is a bunch of stuff you are and aren't responsible for and we could debate that endlessly and people do! There is one thing you are 100% responsible for and that is how you respond. You get to choose how you respond to your upbringing, to the weather, to the economy around you, to your partner or kids. There are people who have had a worse lot in life than you and people who have had a better lot in life than you and still got to where they want to go.
It is what it is. You just need to decide where you go from here.
Ken - The Humble Penny
My friend Ken moved to the UK from Nigeria when he was 14 years old. He didn't have much choice in the matter as he came with his Mum and 3 other siblings to find their Dad who was already in the UK to find out if it represented a better opportunity for them. They arrived in UK with strong African accents and didn't get a warm welcome. In fact I am embarrassed to say they got the opposite from the British Government.
Ken's mum was in her mid to late 40s when she arrived and was told that she was able to stay in the UK; good so far; but wasn't able to work or claim benefits. WTAF? How was she meant to feed her family and put a roof over their head
She immediately started working cash in hand job, her husband brining in what they could as well. She worked cleaning jobs, she worked at the checkout in shops and did anything she could to earn enough to support her family. Ken was bullied at school for his accent and being different, when they arrived they didn't have any friends at all and it was a huge struggle for the family.
But they recognised something in the UK. They recognised there was a structure they could work in. There was law, education and opportunity. Ken's Mum found entrepreneurship and they learnt to add value. Adding value for me is the #1 way forward. If you can help enough other people get what they want in life then you can have everything you want in life.
Today both Ken's Mum and Ken are financially independent and Ken runs a blog helping people to do what he has done. I could have understood if Ken and the family had fallen into victim mode when they arrived. The way the UK treated them wasn't exactly hospitable, but they didn't. They focused on doing what they could, earning, starting businesses, making money and building a life for themselves in the UK. They just made it happen despite the circumstances.
Kristy Story coming soon
I have an incredible friend Kristy. Her and her husband have become some of our best friends and the biggest inspiration in our lives. Kristy and Bryce wrote the book Quit Like a Millionaire and in it they tell Kristy's story.
In both these first examples, Kristy and Ken ended up in wealthy western nations, Canada and the UK. Do you have to move to a wealthy country to make it?
We met a fabulous guy called Neft at a Digital Nomad meet-up in Mexico. We made friends and subsequently he came on our Rebel Finance School course. Last month we had dinner with his wife and son in a lovely café in Mexico. Neft is a business owner, has a lovely family and is working hard on his financial independence.
But it wasn't always that way for him. Over dinner he told us of his adventures over the years.
CONTINUE TO WRITE NEFT'S STORY HERE
None of these people were responsible for what happened to them or how their lives started. Except maybe Neft for not fixing the brake light before driving (I want to insert an awkward face emoji here!). They all had different starting points but then never stopped them. They didn't get down and focus on what was wrong they focused on what they could do and how they could change their worlds and themselves to make progress.
As a 43 year old, I am now responsible for pretty much everything in my life. I am sat in Bogota, Colombia as I write this in one of my favourite cafes, Masa. I am eating a peanut butter and fruit bowl de acai and I am sat with the most beautiful woman, my wife Katie. Currently I feel pretty much responsible for ALL areas of my life.
I created my finances. I didn't inherit anything. I wasn't given anything; in fact it was the opposite. I am responsible for the city I am currently living in. I chose my wife (she chose me too) and I am using my time exactly as I want to; writing this book for you.
One thing British people love to talk about is the weather and I can't control that at all. Or can I?? I can choose which location I live in, what countries I visit and where I go. We spent the last two months in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico living on the beach with blue skies, sunshine, and perfect temperatures in their winter months!
I was lucky that I was born in the UK. That gave me a huge opportunity that I took advantage of. I was absolutely lucky to be born there, but so were so many other people that never got to financial independence or created the life they wanted to.
What percentage of your life are you responsible for?
The answer is that it doesn't really matter, there is a bunch of stuff you are and aren't responsible for and we could debate that endlessly and people do! There is one thing you are 100% responsible for and that is how you respond. You get to choose how you respond to your upbringing, to the weather, to the economy around you, to your partner or kids. There are people who have had a worse lot in life than you and people who have had a better lot in life than you and still got to where they want to go.
It is what it is. You just need to decide where you go from here.
Ken - The Humble Penny
My friend Ken moved to the UK from Nigeria when he was 14 years old. He didn't have much choice in the matter as he came with his Mum and 3 other siblings to find their Dad who was already in the UK to find out if it represented a better opportunity for them. They arrived in UK with strong African accents and didn't get a warm welcome. In fact I am embarrassed to say they got the opposite from the British Government.
Ken's mum was in her mid to late 40s when she arrived and was told that she was able to stay in the UK; good so far; but wasn't able to work or claim benefits. WTAF? How was she meant to feed her family and put a roof over their head
She immediately started working cash in hand job, her husband brining in what they could as well. She worked cleaning jobs, she worked at the checkout in shops and did anything she could to earn enough to support her family. Ken was bullied at school for his accent and being different, when they arrived they didn't have any friends at all and it was a huge struggle for the family.
But they recognised something in the UK. They recognised there was a structure they could work in. There was law, education and opportunity. Ken's Mum found entrepreneurship and they learnt to add value. Adding value for me is the #1 way forward. If you can help enough other people get what they want in life then you can have everything you want in life.
Today both Ken's Mum and Ken are financially independent and Ken runs a blog helping people to do what he has done. I could have understood if Ken and the family had fallen into victim mode when they arrived. The way the UK treated them wasn't exactly hospitable, but they didn't. They focused on doing what they could, earning, starting businesses, making money and building a life for themselves in the UK. They just made it happen despite the circumstances.
Kristy Story coming soon
I have an incredible friend Kristy. Her and her husband have become some of our best friends and the biggest inspiration in our lives. Kristy and Bryce wrote the book Quit Like a Millionaire and in it they tell Kristy's story.
In both these first examples, Kristy and Ken ended up in wealthy western nations, Canada and the UK. Do you have to move to a wealthy country to make it?
We met a fabulous guy called Neft at a Digital Nomad meet-up in Mexico. We made friends and subsequently he came on our Rebel Finance School course. Last month we had dinner with his wife and son in a lovely café in Mexico. Neft is a business owner, has a lovely family and is working hard on his financial independence.
But it wasn't always that way for him. Over dinner he told us of his adventures over the years.
CONTINUE TO WRITE NEFT'S STORY HERE
None of these people were responsible for what happened to them or how their lives started. Except maybe Neft for not fixing the brake light before driving (I want to insert an awkward face emoji here!). They all had different starting points but then never stopped them. They didn't get down and focus on what was wrong they focused on what they could do and how they could change their worlds and themselves to make progress.
Where do you spend most of your time focused?
Imagine a normal morning. How does it start for you?
Do you wake up to an alarm? Do you snooze and roll over? Do you pick up your phone and look at what notifications you have? How long do you spend in bed looking at your phone before you roll out of bed to brush your teeth and shower?
What is the first thing you do in the morning? Do you watch the news while you eat breakfast? Do you open your laptop and check your emails? Do you scroll Instagram? Where is your focus each day?
When you get home from work, do you check the news? Put the television on? Scroll Facebook or Instagram or TikTok?
What do you talk about with your friends? Colleagues at work? Do you talk about the latest TV shows, the news, what is going on in the world? What do you spend your time engaged in?
A few years ago I ran a project in Poplar, London helping market traders to grow their businesses. One of the businesses I was tasked to help was a café in the centre of the market. Our first meeting with the owner was a fascinating one. We sat down outside her café and I asked her, "How is business?"
She proceeded to tell me how bad it was and how it was getting worse and worse over time. Sales where declining, and the people in the market didn't want to pay the prices she was charging any more. I was curious so I asked "Why do you think that is?"
She told me how the council had moved one of the public transport points so people weren't walking past her café any more; she explained that the demographics of the area had changed and was very disparaging about the new communities that had moved in and their lack of desire to pay her prices. She told me that the market was failing and that the management company was not promoting the market.
I listened, made notes and started to come up with ideas of how we might increase her promotion to bring back customers. How we might update her menu to serve a different market and ways to increase her business. I saw so much opportunity for her.
I have learned over the years that you can't just give people the answers in these instances, as if you do they will tell you why they won't work and you are dead in the water. Instead, I thought I was being so clever asking "How do you think we could counter these things to grow your business?
I was shocked when she went back into the same loop saying "the council changed the public transport roots, the people have changed and the management company isn't marketing the market".
"I understand that; but want can we do to change it?" I replied
There was an awkward silence as she looked at me as if I didn't get it at all (which in a way I didn't, because I saw opportunity and she saw problems). She then repeated that it wasn't her fault and that the council needed to change the public transport routes; we needed to bring back the people that used to live here and we needed to get the market management company to promote the market.
I spent nearly 9 months trying to help this business but she wouldn't do anything for her self. She expected other people to do things. Every time we met she felt the need to re-explain the problems in the market as if I didn't understand that it wasn't her fault. I knew it wasn't her fault that these things had happened but I also knew it was her fault that she was doing nothing about them?
What percentage of her success was she responsible for? What percentage of her time did she spend thinking about what she could control versus what she couldn't control? She didn't think she had any part to play in the success of the market or her business at all.
Was she ever going to change the public transport routes? Was she going to be able to change the demographic in the area? Was she going to get the management company to do her job of promoting her business for her?
This was in TOTAL contrast to the business that was next to her in the market. An Indian restaurant in a hut in the middle of the market run by a charismatic gentleman. The first time we met I asked the same questions; "How is your business going?" He answered in the same way with a tale of sadness, footfall going down in the market, struggling to change anything, sales going down.
Then came out my second question "What can we do to change this?" A glimmer of energy came into his eye as he started talking about promotion, getting on Google Maps and re-branding the business.
My experience working with this Indian curry hut was in total contrast to the café that was 20 meters to the left of it. Together we created a new menu, changed the text, built a website, worked on his google maps ranking, rebranded the business, and got an entirely new façade for the restaurant.
We worked together for 9 months and it felt like working together, not battling each other about whose fault things were! The result of this work was that the income for that business tripled over the first year despite the market conditions it was surrounded by.
One business focused on what they couldn't control and whose fault it was. The other business focused on what they could control and ignored who's fault it was making huge progress. You might not be responsible for all the shit that is happening to you right now but you are 100% responsible for how you respond to it.
You can spend your time focused on what is wrong and how it is not your fault or you can stop indulging in all that and start to do something about it!
Which brings us to a fancy psychological term with real world application.
Do you wake up to an alarm? Do you snooze and roll over? Do you pick up your phone and look at what notifications you have? How long do you spend in bed looking at your phone before you roll out of bed to brush your teeth and shower?
What is the first thing you do in the morning? Do you watch the news while you eat breakfast? Do you open your laptop and check your emails? Do you scroll Instagram? Where is your focus each day?
When you get home from work, do you check the news? Put the television on? Scroll Facebook or Instagram or TikTok?
What do you talk about with your friends? Colleagues at work? Do you talk about the latest TV shows, the news, what is going on in the world? What do you spend your time engaged in?
A few years ago I ran a project in Poplar, London helping market traders to grow their businesses. One of the businesses I was tasked to help was a café in the centre of the market. Our first meeting with the owner was a fascinating one. We sat down outside her café and I asked her, "How is business?"
She proceeded to tell me how bad it was and how it was getting worse and worse over time. Sales where declining, and the people in the market didn't want to pay the prices she was charging any more. I was curious so I asked "Why do you think that is?"
She told me how the council had moved one of the public transport points so people weren't walking past her café any more; she explained that the demographics of the area had changed and was very disparaging about the new communities that had moved in and their lack of desire to pay her prices. She told me that the market was failing and that the management company was not promoting the market.
I listened, made notes and started to come up with ideas of how we might increase her promotion to bring back customers. How we might update her menu to serve a different market and ways to increase her business. I saw so much opportunity for her.
I have learned over the years that you can't just give people the answers in these instances, as if you do they will tell you why they won't work and you are dead in the water. Instead, I thought I was being so clever asking "How do you think we could counter these things to grow your business?
I was shocked when she went back into the same loop saying "the council changed the public transport roots, the people have changed and the management company isn't marketing the market".
"I understand that; but want can we do to change it?" I replied
There was an awkward silence as she looked at me as if I didn't get it at all (which in a way I didn't, because I saw opportunity and she saw problems). She then repeated that it wasn't her fault and that the council needed to change the public transport routes; we needed to bring back the people that used to live here and we needed to get the market management company to promote the market.
I spent nearly 9 months trying to help this business but she wouldn't do anything for her self. She expected other people to do things. Every time we met she felt the need to re-explain the problems in the market as if I didn't understand that it wasn't her fault. I knew it wasn't her fault that these things had happened but I also knew it was her fault that she was doing nothing about them?
What percentage of her success was she responsible for? What percentage of her time did she spend thinking about what she could control versus what she couldn't control? She didn't think she had any part to play in the success of the market or her business at all.
Was she ever going to change the public transport routes? Was she going to be able to change the demographic in the area? Was she going to get the management company to do her job of promoting her business for her?
This was in TOTAL contrast to the business that was next to her in the market. An Indian restaurant in a hut in the middle of the market run by a charismatic gentleman. The first time we met I asked the same questions; "How is your business going?" He answered in the same way with a tale of sadness, footfall going down in the market, struggling to change anything, sales going down.
Then came out my second question "What can we do to change this?" A glimmer of energy came into his eye as he started talking about promotion, getting on Google Maps and re-branding the business.
My experience working with this Indian curry hut was in total contrast to the café that was 20 meters to the left of it. Together we created a new menu, changed the text, built a website, worked on his google maps ranking, rebranded the business, and got an entirely new façade for the restaurant.
We worked together for 9 months and it felt like working together, not battling each other about whose fault things were! The result of this work was that the income for that business tripled over the first year despite the market conditions it was surrounded by.
One business focused on what they couldn't control and whose fault it was. The other business focused on what they could control and ignored who's fault it was making huge progress. You might not be responsible for all the shit that is happening to you right now but you are 100% responsible for how you respond to it.
You can spend your time focused on what is wrong and how it is not your fault or you can stop indulging in all that and start to do something about it!
Which brings us to a fancy psychological term with real world application.
Locus of control
What percentage of your time do you spend in your locus of control versus outside it? "Hold up Alan" I hear you say "What is a locus of control?"
The way I think about it is that it is the things in my life that I can and can't control. I imagine a little map with me in the middle. Around me are all the things I can control and outside that zone are all the things I can't control like governments, banks, the weather and the media.
Where I put my focus will directly affect my happiness, my energy, and in the long run my results. I would argue that most people spend their time absorbed by the media, by the challenges of the world, and by social media; outside their locus of control. This has a direct and negative impact on your life.
The way I think about it is that it is the things in my life that I can and can't control. I imagine a little map with me in the middle. Around me are all the things I can control and outside that zone are all the things I can't control like governments, banks, the weather and the media.
Where I put my focus will directly affect my happiness, my energy, and in the long run my results. I would argue that most people spend their time absorbed by the media, by the challenges of the world, and by social media; outside their locus of control. This has a direct and negative impact on your life.
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So what actually is within my control? I can control my emotions (to a certain extent) and at least my response to them. I can control my daily actions, my environment, by choosing where I live, work and operate. I can choose the music I listen to; right now I have my headphones on as I type this and I am listening to a playlist called Superhero Soundtracks. I find it incredibly motivational and it changes my energy and lifts me up as I type. I can control my diet which affects my energy and motivation. I can control how I invest and spend my time, currently I am choosing to invest it into this book project and helping you. There is actually quite a lot I can control.
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My question to you is what percentage of your time do you spend in your area of control? How much of your time do you spend focused on what you can do something about versus what you can't?
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There is so much you and I can't control. Here you can see my zone of control at the centre surrounded by all the things I can't control. What can't I control? LOTS! I can't control what politicians say or do or tweet! I can't control the weather, what the media are writing about, the sports results, or most importantly, what other people are going to do! All of this is outside my zone of control. The more of my time and attention I spend focused on things I can't control, the less progress I make and the less happy I am in life.
I like to spend as higher percentage of my time as I can in my area of control. |
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In the Poplar market example above, our café owner spent her whole time outside her locus of control focusing on what the council, the market association and the environment were doing to her. The Indian curry hut owner spent most of his time focused on things he could control, his marketing, his branding, his product. Does this mean he didn't have a whinge every now and again about the state of things? Of course not, he allowed himself to let it out every now and again, but he didn't allow himself to get too sucked into it.
And this is the key to progress in life. Spend more of your time in your area of control rather than outside it. Sounds so simple but it can be so tough to live.
Here is your challenge. For the next week I would like you to keep a diary of where you are focusing your time. It can be a simple list in your notebook, nothing complex.
Jot down what you do each day, where you spend your time and whether it is in your area of control or not. For example here is my day today so far:
So far today I would say I have spent about 80% of my time in my area of control. That is pretty good! I am happy with that. Although the perfectionist within me says that I shouldn't have wasted time on Facebook; but we are going to come back to being kind to yourself later in the book!
Your challenge for the next week is to see what percentage of your time you are spending inside your zone of control versus outside it. Watching the news for an hour is outside your zone of control. Choosing to read a book to relax or learn is within your zone of control.
Choosing to watch 1 episode of a show on Netflix as a way to unplug and relax can count as within your zone of control if you are actively choosing it. Getting sucked into Netflix or YouTube and spending the whole evening watching mindless shit is outside your zone of control.
Chatting to friends about the weather, about the news, about how bad the world is, is putting all of your focus on things outside your zone of control. This goes down as outside! Emails; are they in or out? Quite often we are responding to other people's requests as opposed to choosing what we want to do with our time; mostly I would put emails as outside your zone of control as you can't control what people send you.
What percentage of your life are you spending in your zone of control versus outside? Please do this home work over the next week as I think you will find the results illuminating!
The more time you spend within your zone of control the more progress you will make.
What do I do with this diary after I have collated it?
For now just notice and the act of noticing will bring change to your focus. In the up coming chapters I am going to help you focus on what you want to achieve, where you want to go and more. This will automatically change your focus as you will spend a higher percentage of your time focused on what you want rather than stuff you can't control. For now just notice where your focus is and we will work together to change it over the coming chapters.
PS reading this book counts as within your locus of control!
And this is the key to progress in life. Spend more of your time in your area of control rather than outside it. Sounds so simple but it can be so tough to live.
Here is your challenge. For the next week I would like you to keep a diary of where you are focusing your time. It can be a simple list in your notebook, nothing complex.
Jot down what you do each day, where you spend your time and whether it is in your area of control or not. For example here is my day today so far:
- Woke up and checked messages on my phone. Not an ideal start but not too far outside my control zone because I can control my response to those messages.
- Got up and did my teeth, put sunscreen on and left the house to go for breakfast with Katie. All within my zone of control.
- Had a delicious breakfast with my wife where we connected and she worked on a data project about the S&P500 and I wrote some of this book. I choose how to use my time and that is completely within my zone of control. Going well so far.
- Walked back home and felt tired. While Katie worked again on her S&P500 project, I zoned out on social media. Totally out of my control and made me feel worse. Because I was tired, I didn't make an active decision to rest or do something.
- Katie went out training in the park and I made an active decision to work on my book again. I have focused for an hour and made huge progress. Completely in my area of control and I feel good again, making progress and enjoying creating this for you.
So far today I would say I have spent about 80% of my time in my area of control. That is pretty good! I am happy with that. Although the perfectionist within me says that I shouldn't have wasted time on Facebook; but we are going to come back to being kind to yourself later in the book!
Your challenge for the next week is to see what percentage of your time you are spending inside your zone of control versus outside it. Watching the news for an hour is outside your zone of control. Choosing to read a book to relax or learn is within your zone of control.
Choosing to watch 1 episode of a show on Netflix as a way to unplug and relax can count as within your zone of control if you are actively choosing it. Getting sucked into Netflix or YouTube and spending the whole evening watching mindless shit is outside your zone of control.
Chatting to friends about the weather, about the news, about how bad the world is, is putting all of your focus on things outside your zone of control. This goes down as outside! Emails; are they in or out? Quite often we are responding to other people's requests as opposed to choosing what we want to do with our time; mostly I would put emails as outside your zone of control as you can't control what people send you.
What percentage of your life are you spending in your zone of control versus outside? Please do this home work over the next week as I think you will find the results illuminating!
The more time you spend within your zone of control the more progress you will make.
What do I do with this diary after I have collated it?
For now just notice and the act of noticing will bring change to your focus. In the up coming chapters I am going to help you focus on what you want to achieve, where you want to go and more. This will automatically change your focus as you will spend a higher percentage of your time focused on what you want rather than stuff you can't control. For now just notice where your focus is and we will work together to change it over the coming chapters.
PS reading this book counts as within your locus of control!
Looking for what is wrong
At any given time you can look for what is right or what is wrong?
This week I was out for dinner with a friend. For a while now he had been telling me how bad his job was. He explained how trapped he was, how much work he had, how nothing he did changed things. You probably know me by now but I started
Give me the power to know the difference between things i can't change and things I can change
Focus on what you want. Not what you don't
If you don't like your job either look for what is right (this will lead to a happy life) or change it
If you don't like your house, either stop complaining and look for what is right or change it
If you are on holiday and you don't like your hotel, either stop complaining and look for what is right or change it
STOP COMPLAINING.
This week I was out for dinner with a friend. For a while now he had been telling me how bad his job was. He explained how trapped he was, how much work he had, how nothing he did changed things. You probably know me by now but I started
Give me the power to know the difference between things i can't change and things I can change
Focus on what you want. Not what you don't
If you don't like your job either look for what is right (this will lead to a happy life) or change it
If you don't like your house, either stop complaining and look for what is right or change it
If you are on holiday and you don't like your hotel, either stop complaining and look for what is right or change it
STOP COMPLAINING.
You are the creator of your life
You create your life and you do that through your focus, your energy and your actions. If you are spending your time discussing the latest idiotic thing a politician has done, then you are outside your control zone and are wasting your time.
This is not going to build your future. This is not going to help you get where you want to go. Your focus directly affects what you do, your energy, your mood and your actions.
If you spend your time focused on being better at your job to get promoted or building your business like the Indian Curry Hut above did, then you will make progress. If you spend your time bingeing Netflix, Amazon Prime and TikTok, you aren't building your life, you are helping someone else build theirs.
You create your life.
What I want you to get from the exercise above is what percentage of your time you are focused on creating your life versus getting lost in things you can't control.
When Katie and I were on our journey to financial independence, we became addicted to working on our finances. Katie would read Mr Money Mustache (one of the best FI blogs) on the train into work and then again on the train out. I would spend my day building my businesses and then after dinner at night we would go on long walks around Basingstoke (our hometown) discussing how to implement what Katie had learned reading the blogs and how we could get to FI faster.
I spent nearly all my my days focused on things I could control; learning, implementing, and growing. Katie spends her free time learning and then we would discuss how to implement it together. We created our lives through our energy and focus.
You create your life and have been for as long as you are an adult. The results you have right now are a direct result of your focus and action. This might not be comfortable but then I don't see it as my job to make you feel comfortable. I see it as my job to share with you the ideas and thoughts that will help you make progress. My only goal is to help you make progress, whatever that means to you, and the only way I can do that is to get you to take responsibility.
This is not going to build your future. This is not going to help you get where you want to go. Your focus directly affects what you do, your energy, your mood and your actions.
If you spend your time focused on being better at your job to get promoted or building your business like the Indian Curry Hut above did, then you will make progress. If you spend your time bingeing Netflix, Amazon Prime and TikTok, you aren't building your life, you are helping someone else build theirs.
You create your life.
What I want you to get from the exercise above is what percentage of your time you are focused on creating your life versus getting lost in things you can't control.
When Katie and I were on our journey to financial independence, we became addicted to working on our finances. Katie would read Mr Money Mustache (one of the best FI blogs) on the train into work and then again on the train out. I would spend my day building my businesses and then after dinner at night we would go on long walks around Basingstoke (our hometown) discussing how to implement what Katie had learned reading the blogs and how we could get to FI faster.
I spent nearly all my my days focused on things I could control; learning, implementing, and growing. Katie spends her free time learning and then we would discuss how to implement it together. We created our lives through our energy and focus.
You create your life and have been for as long as you are an adult. The results you have right now are a direct result of your focus and action. This might not be comfortable but then I don't see it as my job to make you feel comfortable. I see it as my job to share with you the ideas and thoughts that will help you make progress. My only goal is to help you make progress, whatever that means to you, and the only way I can do that is to get you to take responsibility.
Possible timelines in front of you
In the next chapter we are going to explore letting go of the past so that you can move forward. At the moment though, we are focused on building an extraordinary life in the future. I don't know if you know this, but I am a huge Marvel geek and love the movies. One of the coolest concepts from the movies is that of the multiverse.
The idea is that there are infinite versions of you out there that have all made different choices, taken different paths, and you can see how they all play out over time. I find this fascinating as I so want to know if I had taken Job A instead of Job B when I was younger, would I still have made it to financial independence? The reality is that you can NEVER know that, however, it is a super useful concept for life design and planning!
We are going to come back and explore the multiverse of you far more in upcoming chapters, but for now I want to suggest to you that there are so many different ways you could go from this point in your life right now. There are so many possible timelines that could branch out in front of you and take you to different destinations.
From this current point in my life, where could I go? There are so many possible futures available to me and you. It might not feel like it right now, but I promise you they are there if we look together.
From this point in my life I could focus on my writing and create and publish a book (my current trajectory), I could create and work on a TV show and get that made, I could go back to the UK and work with Simon to develop Rebel Business School, I could become a politician or ditch everything and become a recluse in the woods. There are so many different ways my life could go and timelines I could live in the multiverse of madness that is my life!
The idea is that there are infinite versions of you out there that have all made different choices, taken different paths, and you can see how they all play out over time. I find this fascinating as I so want to know if I had taken Job A instead of Job B when I was younger, would I still have made it to financial independence? The reality is that you can NEVER know that, however, it is a super useful concept for life design and planning!
We are going to come back and explore the multiverse of you far more in upcoming chapters, but for now I want to suggest to you that there are so many different ways you could go from this point in your life right now. There are so many possible timelines that could branch out in front of you and take you to different destinations.
From this current point in my life, where could I go? There are so many possible futures available to me and you. It might not feel like it right now, but I promise you they are there if we look together.
From this point in my life I could focus on my writing and create and publish a book (my current trajectory), I could create and work on a TV show and get that made, I could go back to the UK and work with Simon to develop Rebel Business School, I could become a politician or ditch everything and become a recluse in the woods. There are so many different ways my life could go and timelines I could live in the multiverse of madness that is my life!
It might not feel like it right now as you read this book, but the same thing is true for you. There are a myriad of possible timelines for your future. Some of them lead to happiness and an extraordinary (whatever that means to you) life. Some of them lead to sadness or mediocrity. Some of them lead through one to the other!
There are an infinite number of lives you could lead which is hugely exciting and petrifying in similar measures. Because you get to pick where you want to go, which timeline you want to explore next, and there are SO MANY OPTIONS! The bit that is paralysing for so many people is "how do I choose and what if I pick the wrong one and f*#k it all up?"
For now I want you to start to see that there are so many options for you. Over the upcoming chapters we are going to give you the tools to start to see them, explore them and live them.
You create your life and you get to choose what kind of life you want to lead. Which of the timelines do you want to explore in the multiverse of you?
There are an infinite number of lives you could lead which is hugely exciting and petrifying in similar measures. Because you get to pick where you want to go, which timeline you want to explore next, and there are SO MANY OPTIONS! The bit that is paralysing for so many people is "how do I choose and what if I pick the wrong one and f*#k it all up?"
For now I want you to start to see that there are so many options for you. Over the upcoming chapters we are going to give you the tools to start to see them, explore them and live them.
You create your life and you get to choose what kind of life you want to lead. Which of the timelines do you want to explore in the multiverse of you?
Nothing changes until you do
I had one close friend that had always struggled with girls. He wanted desperately to have a girlfriend but was awkward, nervous and didn't know how to act around the opposite sex. He knew what he wanted and we chatted about it. When I started to tell him how I overcame my shyness and bullying and tell him what I did to do it he shut me down, saying I didn't understand what he had gone through, and that might of worked for me, but it wouldn't work for him.
I tried to help for many years, offering support and help, but he would never take me up on it. There could have been so many reasons for this, he didn't believe it was possible, he didn't think what I was suggesting would work, he didn't actually trust me?
Whatever the reason, he was un-willing to change, and while he was unwilling to change, nothing out there in the world would change either.
Change and progress has to start with you. We don't like it, but if you want the world to change then you need to change your behaviour, your energy, your attitude first.
The world is outside your locus of control, but your behaviour, your energy, your health (to a certain extent) are all within your locus of control. I think my friend was waiting for the world to change first and hoping that he would luckily just stumble across his dream without ever changing. This isn't how the universe works.
If you want to change your results then first you need to change your thinking, behaviour and actions. The universe is a reflection of your inside thinking.
If you have been doing the same thing for years, going to the same job, travelling the same route, eating the same food, and you are unwilling to change anything about you, what you do or how you react, how can you expect different results? This is Albert Einstein's definition of insanity: "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
If you want things out there to change, then you need to change first. Don't wait for the world to change. You would be waiting a long, long, long time!
I tried to help for many years, offering support and help, but he would never take me up on it. There could have been so many reasons for this, he didn't believe it was possible, he didn't think what I was suggesting would work, he didn't actually trust me?
Whatever the reason, he was un-willing to change, and while he was unwilling to change, nothing out there in the world would change either.
Change and progress has to start with you. We don't like it, but if you want the world to change then you need to change your behaviour, your energy, your attitude first.
The world is outside your locus of control, but your behaviour, your energy, your health (to a certain extent) are all within your locus of control. I think my friend was waiting for the world to change first and hoping that he would luckily just stumble across his dream without ever changing. This isn't how the universe works.
If you want to change your results then first you need to change your thinking, behaviour and actions. The universe is a reflection of your inside thinking.
If you have been doing the same thing for years, going to the same job, travelling the same route, eating the same food, and you are unwilling to change anything about you, what you do or how you react, how can you expect different results? This is Albert Einstein's definition of insanity: "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
If you want things out there to change, then you need to change first. Don't wait for the world to change. You would be waiting a long, long, long time!
Taking responsibility
This sounds like a very grown up section title. Taking responsibility. There is one simple thing that I want you to take from this section of the book. You might not be responsible for where you are today. Bad things may have happened to you. You might have lost your job, lost your house, or worse. You can't control that these things happen, but you can take responsibility for what you are going to do next and this is where your power lies.
Your power lies in accepting what has happened and taking responsibility for what happens next. When I was younger, I was being bullied at school and I failed to realise I had any control over the situation. I was young so I am going to go easier on my younger-self, but my power came after I was bullied.
After someone said something antsy to me or attacked me, I got to take responsibility for what I did next. At the time I didn't realise this. I didn't understand at all. I just was the victim of all this shit that was being done to me.
What I get to do now as an adult when someone is mean to me is decide what I want to do next. I had a recent example at a company meeting where someone came in hot and had decided that what Katie and I were doing was wrong on a number of levels. He came in and ruined the meeting and attacked us. I was annoyed and angry, however, I get to decide how I respond.
This moment is where my power lies. I get to decide whether I fight back, cut him out of future meetings, confront him, believe he has positive intentions and takes the time to understand them, or a number of other options. I get to decide what I do next.
You have this power right now. You are where you are but you get to decide how you are going to respond and this gives you tremendous power in any situation.
Your power lies in accepting what has happened and taking responsibility for what happens next. When I was younger, I was being bullied at school and I failed to realise I had any control over the situation. I was young so I am going to go easier on my younger-self, but my power came after I was bullied.
After someone said something antsy to me or attacked me, I got to take responsibility for what I did next. At the time I didn't realise this. I didn't understand at all. I just was the victim of all this shit that was being done to me.
What I get to do now as an adult when someone is mean to me is decide what I want to do next. I had a recent example at a company meeting where someone came in hot and had decided that what Katie and I were doing was wrong on a number of levels. He came in and ruined the meeting and attacked us. I was annoyed and angry, however, I get to decide how I respond.
This moment is where my power lies. I get to decide whether I fight back, cut him out of future meetings, confront him, believe he has positive intentions and takes the time to understand them, or a number of other options. I get to decide what I do next.
You have this power right now. You are where you are but you get to decide how you are going to respond and this gives you tremendous power in any situation.
But first we have to let go of the past
If we want to create an extraordinary life, to conceive of it, plan it, and create it, then we have to let go of what has happened in the past.
Thoughts, comments and more....
Help me tear this puppy to pieces!
Thank you
I know life is busy so I have been thinking about how I can say thank you. When you leave me a comment below and help me develop the book I will immortalise you in print in the acknowledgements section of the book. I want to acknowledge the people that helped me along the way!
Please write me a comment and tell me what you think:
Please scroll down and leave me a comment, hints, corrections and more so that I can help turn this book into the best possible version of itself so I can help as many people as possible
Thank you
Alan
Thank you
I know life is busy so I have been thinking about how I can say thank you. When you leave me a comment below and help me develop the book I will immortalise you in print in the acknowledgements section of the book. I want to acknowledge the people that helped me along the way!
Please write me a comment and tell me what you think:
- What resonated with you?
- What did I miss out of the content?
- What annoyed you?
- What just made this difficult to read?
- Did you do the exercise and what impact did it have?
Please scroll down and leave me a comment, hints, corrections and more so that I can help turn this book into the best possible version of itself so I can help as many people as possible
Thank you
Alan
Disclaimer:
It appears that the Facebook comments aren't showing up for some people. I had a look into this and apparently Facebook blocks the comments section for people who aren't logged into Facebook on the current browser. This also means that if you are using a phone, you will need to be logged into Facebook on the browser, not just the app if you want to add a comment. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a fix for this.
It appears that the Facebook comments aren't showing up for some people. I had a look into this and apparently Facebook blocks the comments section for people who aren't logged into Facebook on the current browser. This also means that if you are using a phone, you will need to be logged into Facebook on the browser, not just the app if you want to add a comment. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a fix for this.
References
* I found this story from Notes from a Friend by Tony Robbins. This is the book that set me on my self-development path
